Book 2 by Unknown

Author:Unknown
Language: eng
Format: epub
Published: 2016-09-26T00:00:00+00:00

ACT TWO

Scene One

Mitford’s office, divisional HQ.

GENERAL MITFORD is reading very long casualty lists.

MITFORD Renwick B… Reynolds F… Reynolds P… Richards J… Richards M… Richards T… Richardson L… Roach T… Robb G… Robbins D…

Enter LIEUTENANT COLONEL HOWFIELD.

HOWFIELD Did you know that it is still going on?

MITFORD The war? Yes, apparently it is…

HOWFIELD No – this mutinous magazine!

He brandishes a copy of the The Somme Times.

MITFORD They have promised to stop producing it as soon as the war is over…

HOWFIELD Just look at this.

He shows MITFORD article and reads it out.

“Realising that men must laugh some wise man devised the Staff”. Is that supposed to be funny?

MITFORD Funnier than what I am reading…

HOWFIELD It’s a subversive attack on the entire High Command. It continues: “Let them lead the simple life far from all our vulgar strife…” By God that’s us they’re talking about!

(He continues, angrily) “Lest their relatives might grieve often, often give them leave –

Decorations too galore What on earth could man wish more.”

MITFORD is smiling benevolently.

We cannot allow this scurrilous insubordination to go unpunished!

MITFORD (takes the paper and continues reading, finishing the rhyme) “Yet alas, or so says the rumour, the Staff all lack a sense of humour”.

There is a pause as this sinks in…

HOWFIELD Utter rubbish…

MITFORD And it’s not all rude rhymes – in fact they have put in a rather helpful glossary of military terms.

HOWFIELD Really?

MITFORD Yes.

(He reads) “Duds. There are two kinds. A shell on impact failing to explode is called a dud. They are unhappily not as plentiful as the other kind of Dud”.

HOWFIELD (suspicious) Go on.

MITFORD ‘The kind that draws a big salary and explodes for no reason far behind the fighting area.’

HOWFIELD (explodes) The battlefield is not the place for humour!

MITFORD Humour, my dear Howfield, is what separates civilization from incivility. Us from the Boche.

While Roberts and his merry men are writing poems poking fun at us brass hats – the German’s equivalent literary contribution is a “Hymn of Hate”. Have you heard it?

HOWFIELD Of course I have heard it.

MITFORD It has all the subtlety of a dawn barrage from Big Bertha.

HOWFIELD What the Germans sing or don’t sing is irrelevant. We have to maintain discipline in our army or the result is defeatism and anarchy! I still say that something should be done about Captain Roberts.

MITFORD Something has been done.

MITFORD hands HOWFIELD a citation.

He has been awarded the Military Cross for Gallantry.

On the other side of the stage, in ROBERTS ’s den, ROBERTS looks embarrassed as PEARSON and the MEN shake his hand, and pat him on the back.

(voiceover) Captain FJ Roberts, 12th Sherwood Foresters, 24th Division. For conspicuous bravery, gallantry and devotion to duty in the battle of the Somme on August 12th 1916 Captain Roberts showed outstanding leadership under fire as company commander. Throughout he behaved most gallantly.

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