Blue Flowers by Carola Saavedra

Author:Carola Saavedra
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Penguin Publishing Group
Published: 2020-01-27T16:00:00+00:00

JANUARY 24

My darling,

I’d promised myself I wouldn’t talk about that day anymore, about the rental place, the movie, the actor so like you, the character. I’d promised. You complain I’m always repeating myself, and with good reason. Why keep going back to the same subjects, to the same things that have been laid bare, pored over so many times, the rental place, the actor, the movie, that day.

You must be wondering, with good reason. And you must be thinking I never keep my promises. But it’s not true. In my defense I can argue that the rental place today is never the same as yesterday’s, that between one and the other, time goes by. Our time, ours, do you understand? The time that gets itself in between the words and all your turns and returns. Between this letter and the first there is a whole unraveling of facts and consequences and memories, between this and the first reading, a whole unfolding, filling up, distorting what I so fervently wanted to say since the beginning, remember? Because, however much I want to repeat myself, again and again, what I have said to you is never what I say to you now.

And if, at that first moment when you sat in your living room, on the sofa, the chair, in an armchair, with the first letter in your hands, if at that moment you felt rage or curiosity or any other feeling, now, the same words, the chair, the armchair, now, even if we try to reproduce every detail, like in the theater, in a play, you forever receiving the first letter, me forever repeating the same words, the result would be different each time, even if it’s once again the old rage or curiosity or some other feeling. Like in the theater. Or in a movie or a book to which you return from time to time like someone returning to a place they do not know. And you’re surprised to find that what is unknown is not the place, the furniture and shadows and colors, all of it so familiar, what’s unknown is you, however hard you try and however often you keep reciting the old words and old verses by heart. However great the effort and the intention and the will, there is always something to surprise and alarm you.

But perhaps you think everything I’m telling you now I’m only saying in order to justify myself, to justify this insistence, this monotony of mine. Perhaps that’s what you think, you think me capable of constructing the most varied plots, the most complex theories, even a reader for these letters, isn’t that it? A character to receive these letters in your place. Someone to read for you and guide you and say to you, Yes, there’s something very beautiful, isn’t there? There’s nothing I could not do just to convince you to, maybe, who knows, go back to the very beginning. All this, then, just to be able to go back now, once again, to the precise moment of beginning.

Download

Copyright Disclaimer:
This site does not store any files on its server. We only index and link to content provided by other sites. Please contact the content providers to delete copyright contents if any and email us, we'll remove relevant links or contents immediately.