Beguiled by Ruchika Soi

Author:Ruchika Soi [Soi, Ruchika]
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: 9789354924484
Publisher: Penguin Random House India Private Limited
Published: 2022-02-05T00:00:00+00:00

18

The Battle Within

November 2017. It’s almost time to leave for Jordan, for a pre-birthday gift that Devanshi has been planning for me for over a year. At least I have something to look forward to. I had wanted Randy to join us, but it seems unlikely he’ll be able to get away from work.

‘You must go! It’s a once-in-a-lifetime trip. Don’t worry about Rohan, I’ll take care of him over the weekend.’

He knows how I love antiquities, so he is always encouraging me to go on these trips. Since it is my mother’s eightieth birthday soon, I will also visit India, where Akshay will join me for a short break.

‘I’ll look for a house for Shilpi, so I won’t be alone with them in your absence,’ he tells me, without my having to suggest it. I’m happy to see that he’s being sensible again.

The happiness is short-lived; he keeps breaking his promises. He tells me he will stop smoking with Shilpi and that he will include me in everything they do, but blatantly does neither. It is exasperating.

Before Jordan, I have an appointment with a photographer for an exhibition at Black T’ai. I tell Randy to keep him company until I arrive with the kids, but as the Tube draws up at the Fulham platform, I spot him entering the coach with Shilpi. I stop the boys from getting out at the station and watch them instead, throwing their heads back and laughing at a shared joke. I flinch. That used to be us once. Randy and me.

I walk the length of the coach and stop before them. Their smiles are wiped off their faces, instantly.

‘You didn’t reply to my messages. You know there’s a photographer waiting for me at the restaurant,’ I say icily.

‘We’re going to buy furniture for the apartment,’ explains Randy smoothly.

‘Are you furnishing an apartment that hasn’t yet been rented?’ I ask, raising an eyebrow.

The house hunt continues even when I am about to leave for Jordan. I have ceased to really care about what happens when I’m gone. I am trying to go about my duties towards my children, husband, home and gallery with integrity and diligence, unattached and emotionless. At least Rohan seems mostly happy to be around Shilpi and Karan since he’s spent a lot of time with them in Dubai. Perhaps I am not really getting this. All of them seem happy and relaxed. Maybe I am the one mucking things up because I am not very astute at relationships. I can’t wait to put my life on hold for a bit and forget the burdens of my world in the Hellenistic-Roman ruins of Jordan.

But that’s easier said than done. I try to distract myself with the conversations my sister and her friends are having, unable to speak of my own life. They already refer to him, jokingly, as the Artful Dodger, and I don’t want them to know that he has been playing mind games with me. Instead, I soak in

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