Babylon Confidential: A Memoir of Love, Sex, and Addiction by Christian Claudia & Buchanan Morgan Grant

Babylon Confidential: A Memoir of Love, Sex, and Addiction by Christian Claudia & Buchanan Morgan Grant

Author:Christian, Claudia & Buchanan, Morgan Grant [Christian, Claudia & Buchanan, Morgan Grant]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Tags: Biography
ISBN: 1937856062
Goodreads: 13586971
Publisher: BenBella Books
Published: 2012-11-06T00:00:00+00:00


Angus and I both had films at Cannes that year and decided to go together. It was 1998, I was thirty-three years old, and my biological clock was ticking like a time bomb.

I found out that I was pregnant in the bathroom of the Carlton Hotel. Clutching my pregnancy test, I told Angus the news through tear-stained eyes. We hugged, agreed it was the best thing in the world for both of us, and, right then and there, made a pact to raise the child together.

But because it was Angus, I expected the worst. I secretly hoped that things would work out, but I began to steel myself for the next fight. It never came, though, and by the four-month mark I was proudly sporting a baby bump. Things had changed. I felt secure in this relationship for the first time. I was finally going to be a mother. I just knew that I was going to have a boy with green eyes and dark hair. This was Patrick wanting to come back again.

And then Angus stopped having sex with me. I understood why—he had a Madonna-whore complex. God forbid you have sex with the mother of your child. What I couldn’t deal with was his sudden obsession with virgins. Angus had worked on a film with a blond actress who claimed she was a virgin. He would go on about it all the time: she was angelic, she was a born-again Christian, and she was only eighteen years old. I don’t know what the big deal is with virgins. Terrorists blow themselves up for a paradise filled with virgins. If I were a guy my idea of paradise would be a harem of sexually experienced bombshells, but then that’s just me. Angus was certainly titillated by the idea of going where no man had gone before, and I guess I felt the same sense of injustice that a bald man or a guy with a small dick feels. How do you compete? She’s a virgin, I’m not, and there’s nothing I can do to change that.

Then one day, on his way out the door with a buddy, Angus casually turned back to me and said, as if it were an afterthought, “I’ve changed my mind. Get rid of it.”

The emotional blow was so strong that he might as well have punched me in the belly. He left and I fell to the tile floor and cried so hard that a few hours later the baby spontaneously aborted.

After my failed relationship with Patrick Wachsberger, I had sworn that I’d never again become pregnant by a man who had no real interest in raising a child. Yet here I was, soaked in blood and frightened to death by what my body had just done. I didn’t know if it was the botched abortion in Italy that ruined my chances of having children, but something had made the whole process precarious. I just couldn’t seem to hold on to a child, and the fact that I’d lost one over an emotional outburst just didn’t make sense to me.



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