Ask Me His Name by Elle Wright

Author:Elle Wright
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Blink Publishing
Published: 2018-08-19T16:00:00+00:00

After the weeks of summer came to a close and autumn rolled around, I found myself in October. October already? I don’t think a day had gone past where I hadn’t spoken to the Warriors – they had become the daily tonic I needed as I adjusted to this new normal. One thing had remained the same since May, though: we still didn’t know how Teddy had died, and for that reason we still hadn’t registered his birth or death. My story was a little different from all of the other girls in the group for that reason. Teddy had lived outside of me, and then died – on the NHS’s time, I might add, which is why they were hell bent on finding out a cause if they were able. Which meant we were still tangled up in the anguish of trying to get some answers as to what had happened to him.

At the beginning of October that call from the coroner finally came, unexpectedly. I remember the day as I had been sitting outside a local café with my friend and her daughter after a walk in the park with Boris. We had decided to grab some lunch and make the most of the dwindling summer sun while it lasted. As we were waiting for our food my phone rang. I knew who it was as soon as I saw the number, and although it felt wholly inappropriate to take the call then, I had to; I couldn’t wait another second longer and needed this limbo to be over.

All of the samples they had taken from Teddy had shown nothing, not one thing; months of growing cultures in a lab and absolutely nothing. However, the samples the consultant had taken from him when he was alive – the urine samples I remember them withdrawing from his catheter with a tiny syringe – those had given us an answer. Just as his consultant had suspected, on that first day she met Teddy when he was admitted into the NICU, he did indeed have a metabolic condition. His was very, very rare; so rare in fact that they had never seen a case of it in the UK, and only a handful worldwide.

Teddy had something called 3 methylglutaric aciduria (or 3MGA), and they had only narrowed it down to perhaps two of five types. It meant that everything was poisonous to him, even the air he was breathing as soon as he was born – his little body couldn’t process it and couldn’t get rid of any toxins on its own.

How did he survive the whole pregnancy? I thought. The consultant told us at a later date that the placenta had been doing all the hard work for Teddy, processing everything that he couldn’t and keeping him alive. My body had been keeping him alive. I have to say I feel pretty bloody proud of myself (and that grotesque placenta) for doing such a great job. It meant I got to meet Teddy, to hold him and smell him and feel the warmth of his skin on mine.

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