As a Man Grows Older by Italo Svevo

Author:Italo Svevo [Svevo, Italo]
Language: eng
Format: epub, azw3
Publisher: Pickle Partners Publishing
Published: 2016-01-26T05:00:00+00:00

9

How FAR superior Amalia was to him! She showed some surprise next day when Balli did not put in an appearance, but it would have been hard to guess from her manner that she minded his not coming. “Isn’t he well?” she asked Emilio, who remembered that she had always worn an air of in difference in talking to him about Stefano.

Nevertheless he did not doubt for a moment that he was right in his judgment about her. He replied “No” to her question, and had not the courage to say any more. He was seized with intense compassion at the thought that suffering equal to his own was hanging over the head of that frail little creature, without her having the least premonition of it. And it was he who was about to strike her down. His hand had indeed already struck the blow, but the sword was still hanging in mid-air, to fall very soon on her defenseless head and bow it to the ground; her gentle face would soon lose the calm expression which it forced itself to wear no doubt only by an heroic effort. He would have liked to take his sister in his arms and begin to comfort her before that sorrow came upon her. But he could not. He could not, without blushing, so much as pronounce his friend’s name in her presence. Hence forth there was a barrier between brother and sister: the wrong done to her by Emilio. He was not yet fully conscious of it; he still thought he would be able to approach his sister at the moment when she would, as she surely must, be looking about her for someone on whom to lean. Then he would only have to open his arms to her; of that he was sure. Amalia was made like him, in that when she suffered she leaned for support on anyone who happened to be with her at the moment. So he let her go on expecting Balli.

It was an expectation which Emilio could not have endured himself; it needed great courage to ask nothing except the usual question: “Is not Balli coming?” There was always an extra place laid for Balli; now his glass would be slowly put away again in the cupboard which Amalia used as sideboard. The glass was followed soon after by the cup out of which Balli was to have drunk his coffee, and then Amalia would lock the cupboard door. Her movements were perfectly calm but very slow. When her back was turned he ventured to watch her attentively, and then he fancied he could read signs of suffering in each separate token of bodily weakness. Had her shoulders always drooped like that? Had not her thin neck grown much thinner during the last few days?

She came back to the table and sat down beside him, and he thought to himself: “There! that calm look means she has decided to wait patiently for another twenty-four hours.” He could not help admiring her; he would not have been able to wait even for one night.

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