Around the World With Auntie Mame by Dennis Patrick

Author:Dennis, Patrick
Language: eng
Format: epub
Tags: Fiction
ISBN: 9780307418814
Publisher: Crown Publishing Group
Published: 2007-12-17T16:00:00+00:00

Next to attending my own wake, I couldn’t think of many things I’d rather do less, but as dreary as Maxl and Hannes were, at least they weren’t actively in the pay of the Nazis. I opened the door and stepped out into the cold corridor just in time to see Hannes starting down the stairs. “Fine,” I said. “Just swell. I’d love to come with you, just as soon as I get dressed.”

“Fifteen minutes, then?” Hannes said with one of his rare smiles.

“Fifteen minutes.”

THE THREE OF US MADE ANODD PICTURE AS WE SET off. Hannes, all boots, Lederhosen, muscles, and sun tan, looked like a Jugend illustration for the Hitler youth movement. Even Maxl was dressed for the rugged life, his big rear end bifurcated by too-tight leather shorts. He also carried a great long rope, a revolver, and a first-aid kit. “Are we planning to scale Mount Everest or just take a hike in the hills?” I asked. I was less and less enthusiastic about this trip, but it did offer certain advantages in that I could get away from Auntie Mame and her Nazi boy friend long enough to make a few simple plans.

As we set off, I heard Auntie Mame calling, “Patrick! Patrick! Where are you going?”

I turned around. She was up on the battlement, leaning over the parapet. “Out,” I said coldly.

“No, darling. No! We’re going on a picnic—Basil and Vera and Putzi and Friedl. I-I’ll need you to round out the party.”

“Maybe you can get the Görings to join you—a charming couple. Where are you going, Berchtesgaden?” Maybe I shouldn’t have said that, I thought, because Hannes and Maxl exchanged the fisheye with one another.

“Patrick. Wait! I forbid you to . . .”

I turned around and thumbed my nose at her. “Come on,” I said.

THE OLD, ORIGINAL, RUINEDSCHLOSS STINKENBACH didn’t look terribly much higher up than the fourteenth-century version, but it was quite a hike and almost all of it straight up. It was some climb, and more than once I was grateful for Maxl’s length of rope. Maxl was puffing like a grampus after the first hour, I was parched and winded, and even Hannes, our Strength through Joy boy, was panting a bit.

“Let’s rest here, shall we?” Hannes said. Again he favored me with a frosty smile and tossed down his rucksack. “You are thirsty?” he asked, taking out two tall thin bottles of wine.

“A little,” I said.

“Here.” Hannes poured a tremendous amount into a cup and passed it to me. It looked like quite a lot of wine for so early in the day—especially since they had urged me not to wait for breakfast.

“Isn’t—isn’t there any water?” I said.

“Ah, water. Oh, yes, but not until we get up to the old fortress. Drink this now. We are nearly there.”

I gulped the wine down, and before I could say no, Hannes had filled the cup again.

“D-don’t you two want any?”

“Oh, no,” Hannes said, thumping his chest. “I’ll wait until we get to the water.

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