All Families Are Psychotic by Douglas Coupland

Author:Douglas Coupland [Coupland, Douglas]
Language: eng
Format: epub, mobi
Tags: Fiction, General, Modern, Adult, Humour, Contemporary
ISBN: 9780307373601
Google: SELgSJPPPxYC
Amazon: B00CC6PT7O
Goodreads: 3379
Publisher: Bloomsbury USA
Published: 1999-01-01T05:00:00+00:00

17

Janet and Nickie walked through the emergency room doors, a swoosh of hot night air blasting their faces. Across the lot the three men were barreling away in Howie’s orange van – with no Howie inside. Wade burned some rubber as they left the lot, making Janet turn to Nickie: ‘How do men do that? I’ve been driving for forty years and I’ve never once burned rubber.’

Back inside the hospital they learned that Kevin’s condition was stable and that he was sleeping. The two women bought a stack of pinkish silver Mylar balloons and a sympathy card and placed them beside his bed. A nurse asked if Janet and Nickie were family. Janet said, ‘No, but—’

The nurse zipped her finger up to her lips: ‘Shhhhhh! Don’t tell me anything more. I don’t know who you are in this guy’s life, but this guy is taking some serious meds. We don’t know who to contact, and someone has to go to his place and get his stuff. Could you do that?’

‘Sure.’

The nurse handed Janet a Post-It with an address on the back copied from a driver’s license. ‘And here are keys that were in his pocket. One of them ought to do the trick.’

The two women elevatored downstairs. Janet said, ‘You know, this was supposed to be a happy family week that drew us all closer – all that NASA hokum: prayer breakfasts, zodiac boat tours through swamps, a chance encounter with a Kennedy family member … And you wouldn’t believe the other astronaut families. They’re practically astronauts themselves – shoes buffed like mirrors; too many teeth; half of them are military and talk in barking Navy SEALs voices. They drive me nuts, they’re so enthusiastic. Our own family is a disaster.’

Nickie said, ‘I doubt it. People are pretty forgiving when it comes to other people’s family. The only family that ever horrifies you is your own. Hey – do you get along with Sarah?’

‘Sarah? I think so. Yes.’

‘What do you mean you “think so”.’

‘The two of us have never actually had a fight, per se.’

‘I don’t believe you.’

‘Then don’t. But I’m serious. Not one in nearly forty years.’

‘Then why do you say you think you get along?’

‘Sarah’s always been Ted’s baby. I was so scared and frightened when she was born. Ted wasn’t. He leapt in. He’s stronger than me in some ways. He saw a spark in Sarah that I didn’t. I feel ashamed of that.’ Janet looked down into her lap and said, ‘Sarah sees something in my eyes; I don’t know what it is – but she’s always held back with me. Nicely, mind you, but she’s never truly opened up to me. Ever.’

Nickie was quiet.

After deliberating over a map, the two women drove to Kevin’s neighborhood. The night air was dark and floral, oily and infected. Janet saw a flock of birds off to the right and realized what a rare thing it is to see birds after sundown. They passed a black Mercedes with an engine fire, and a pile of lemons sitting at the roadside for no apparent reason.

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