After She Died by Riley Clarke

Author:Riley Clarke [Clarke, Riley]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: www.rileyclarkeauthor.com
Published: 2020-03-22T16:00:00+00:00

33

After

Lily drags me away from the corner to a different part of the room as if she’s pulling me away from my nightmare. “I don’t know what you were dreaming about—and you don’t have to tell me—but whatever it was, it’s over now, okay?”

I nod.

“You understand, Kay?” Lily presses.

“Yeah, I do.”

“Good. Why don’t we sit down here for a while and take it easy? Seems like we’ve both had the kind of day best forgotten in this damn place.”

“You too?” I ask as we park ourselves at a table a short distance from the other patients.

“Yeah. Ever since they caught us sneaking around the gardens the other night, I’ve had my so-called psychotherapist crawling up my ass, wanting to know my every damn thought and feeling.”

“And you tell them?”

“Sort of. You know how it goes. Feed them what they want to hear without sounding too crazy. It’s all about ego. These people want to feel like they are saving us from ourselves, that without their help we’d all fall to pieces. Sometimes I wonder who’s sicker. Them or us.”

“I never thought about it like that,” I say.

“I’m not surprised. I can tell you’re still trying to make them happy. It’s who you are. You’re a people pleaser.”

She’s right. It’s no doubt the reason why Lily’s latched on to me. She knows she can push me around and tell me what to do. We’re a perfect, sick match.

I want to ask about her eating and find out if the doctors are going to intervene, but I won’t. I’m not like Lily, who is happy to come out and say whatever pops into her head. I don’t need to ask. It’s obvious Lily is growing weaker and weaker. Her eyes look tired and glassy. Plus, the nurses study her during every meal.

“I don’t know how much more of this shithole I can stand,” she says. “Part of me wishes they would just get it all over with and send me on my way to where I belong. It’s got to be better than this damn purgatory.”

Lily has never told me about the armed robbery. I still don’t understand why Elsie did, but it feels like information I shouldn’t have over a friend. The thought makes me question what Lily’s heard about me. Does she know what I did to Faith? At least what they say I did. I still can’t process the fact that I killed my own sister.

My nightmare was trying to speak to me before. If only Lily hadn’t seen me stirring. I might have remembered something vital. I must have looked distressed or in pain for Lily to wake me. She understands how hard sleep is to come by in the hospital. There’s an unwritten law between patients not to wake someone up if they fall asleep. Even if it’s on the floor, we let each other be.

I wonder if I can return to that dream or if it will come for me tonight. I need to see Faith’s face and ask what I did.

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