A Year of Doing Good by Judith O'Reilly

Author:Judith O'Reilly [O’Reilly, Judith]
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: 9780670921140
Publisher: Penguin Books Ltd
Published: 2012-10-05T04:00:00+00:00

Monday, 13 June

A couple of months ago comedian Ricky Gervais ‘died’ as host to the Golden Globes; after Berwick High School, I know how he felt. I was due to speak at the Year 9 assembly of thirteen- and fourteen-year-olds. Around 180 teenagers sat slumped in their chairs in the hall. They had already sat through an in-house assembly on friendship after staff became convinced I might not show, or at least arrive too late for the assembly. I had 128 jam sandwiches wrapped in cling film ready for the kids (I hadn’t realized there would be so many of them, but I reasoned that 128 was safe enough because not everyone would want one; how right I was). I’m standing outside the hall ready to go in when the teacher with me suddenly announces that the 128 jam sandwiches aren’t a good idea. This potentially utterly wrecks the presentation. I am relying on the jam sandwiches as a way into the Jam Jar Army and because Sophie has assured me that if you are selling something (which I am), the best way to get someone to buy it is to give them something first (something like a jam sandwich). At the look of wild-eyed panic that moves across my face, she concedes I can give out one jam sandwich. I shake my head to clear my brain and start making rapid calculations about what I have left to say – which is basically, ‘Give me your money’ – and suddenly I’m on.

I talk about me. I talk about emptying a jar of jam and filling it with cash. I talk about the Jam Jar Army, and the good cause that is the hospice. I ask whether anyone would like a jam sandwich, and there is silence. The teacher has said I can make one jam sandwich and give it to someone. Nobody – not one kid among the 180 kids – wants that jam sandwich. I am dying. I hold fast to my conviction that someone will crack – there is a jam sandwich and 180 teenagers – someone is going to be hungry. It turns into a war of wills. I offer it along the front row. It is made of soft white bread and bramble jelly. There are half a dozen girls in front of me, and I offer it to each. The girl at the end of the row is not a healthy eater. I move swiftly on: there is no way a fat lass is going to say yes to the jam sandwich, however much she wants it. The blond boy next to her is equally large. I have great hopes of this lad. He bulges out of his blazer, his sizeable thighs spread as he leans forward. He shakes his head. His friend shakes his head. The boy next to him shakes his head and I eye the tousled-headed boy at the end of the row with the final shreds of hope. He looks at me.

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