A Star Is Bored by Byron Lane

A Star Is Bored by Byron Lane

Author:Byron Lane
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Henry Holt and Co.


* * *

This isn’t my first time at the rodeo, or at the mall, which isn’t much different. At least a mall in Australia is more exotic than one back home.

Being a celebrity assistant is a lot like raising a child, or a puppy. Assistant Bible Verse 133: It helps to wear them out.

And so here we are, doing laps and walking in and out of stores.

“Relaxed yet?” I ask.

Kathi, looking sad with puppy-dog eyes, shakes her head no.

Some people shop by sight—what looks good—but Kathi Kannon shops (and lives) by touch—what feels good. She brushes her hands across a colorful sweater or scarf or sock, and if it’s soft, she’ll take it. She spends a quarter inch of cash on a snug sweater she may wear once and then gift to Agnes. She spends a half inch of cash on an Australian alpaca trench coat. “This seems pretty. Maybe for Benny,” Kathi says.

“I’m sure he has lots of use for it, living in your shed.”

“Cockring, what has this Australian alpaca coat ever done to you?” Her speech is slurred. We’re both exhausted.

“Time for my next pill?” she asks.

I look at my watch. “Yep. You sure are good at telling time.”

I fish the pill bottle from my purple backpack, open it, finger out a pill, and hand it over. She pops it immediately—I don’t even see her swallow. She winks.

I ask, “What’s next?”

She says, “I’m bored.”



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