A Mother's War by Helen Parusel

Author:Helen Parusel [Parusel, Helen]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Boldwood Books
Published: 2023-05-16T16:00:00+00:00

18

The post van crunched over the icy gravel. The women huddled around the entrance but were waved aside by Matron Schwarz who stepped out into a flutter of snow to receive the small brown sack. She bustled back past the crowd and into her office. The women waited outside her door: anxious, hopeful faces. A letter from their loved one, please. Please.

The door opened and Matron Schwarz handed letters to outstretched hands: crumpled envelopes, some smeared with dirt, others in colours of lilac and blue, or thick brown paper. The letters would be censored, inappropriate or negative comments blotted out in black ink. Laila’s heart sank as the pile of letters depleted and no envelope was offered to her. Another week had gone by without hearing from Josef.

The women clasped their letters to their chests, or placed them in their dress pockets, hurrying away to read in some quiet, private corner.

Laila fetched her coat and hat and went outside; she needed fresh air. Was post getting through to where Josef was stationed? Were her letters being withheld from him? Unlikely. She was careful not to write anything inflammatory; just that she missed him and that their child was healthy and growing, kicking, and somersaulting inside her.

Large, lazy snowflakes drifted on the wind, circling slowly before dusting the ground. As she headed down the drive to the main gate, in her mind she wrote Josef an alternative letter. She told him about the bizarre examinations, the political orientation classes that scared and confused her, the strict regime, how mothers’ time with their children was controlled; how everything was controlled. But then she felt guilty for being ungrateful. She and her unborn child were being cared for; in many respects her life was easier than that of her family’s.

She had brought her family so much pain. If she could see, touch Josef, then perhaps it would all make sense. If she would receive a letter from him… what if he could no longer write? What if…? No. She refused to think it.

She stepped up to the wrought-iron gates and pulled at the two rings. Locked. Of course. She clenched her fingers around the bars and peered out onto the narrow road lined with dense conifers, tipped white. Even in the brisk air, she couldn’t breathe. She had to get out, just for a while. Church bells rang from the direction of the village. She would ask Matron for permission to go to the village; short outings were sometimes sanctioned. The distraction would be good for her. Maybe she could talk to some of the locals, find out something. She had many questions and the village seemed like a good place to start.

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