A Journal for Jordan by Dana Canedy

Author:Dana Canedy [Canedy, Dana]
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: 978-0-307-44971-9
Publisher: Crown Publishers
Published: 2008-06-27T05:00:00+00:00

Suddenly I was the star of the class. Several of the husbands offered to help me up from the floor after the breathing exercises. One mother-to-be said she admired my strength. But instead of being relieved, I felt foolish. I knew that in a couple of weeks I would never see these people again, so why had I made such a point of telling them my business? While I was feeling defensive, they were probably focused on their own prenatal anxieties. But I could not help it: I wanted them to know that the father of my child deserved their respect. He had not abandoned me. He was protecting each one of them. He was missing his baby’s birth for them. He was putting his life on the line for them. And I was living through it with him.

Meanwhile, Charles tried to help me understand that he had not made the decision lightly. In deciding to have a baby with me at a time when he knew he would miss most of my pregnancy and the initial period of bonding with you, he had postponed his own happiness. He did so because he did not want to leave this earth without making me the mother of his child. For that, I owed him my loyalty and continued love. Each day I forgave him a little more.

A fierce snowstorm blew in that Valentine’s Day. I was lounging in the living room listening to music when the doorman rang to say that there was a delivery—a gorgeous vase of roses, lilies, daisies, and other flowers. A teddy bear was hugging the vase, and balloons floated above it.

I ripped open the card.

“Happy Valentine’s Day, Ma,” it said. “Love, Charles.”

I was stunned. I announced to the poor deliveryman that if my fiance could order flowers from Iraq, then no other man on the planet had an excuse not to remember his wife or girlfriend on Valentine’s Day. I felt like the queen Charles had always said I was.

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