A Fish Has No Word For Water by Violet Blue

Author:Violet Blue [Blue, Violet]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Digita Publications

It was getting colder and San Francisco’s tourists had made their exodus. Sleeping outside worsened as the air chilled and the ground hardened. Rooftops and the park were okay, but mornings were achy, painful.

I was completely homeless now. It was life lived at one extreme or another -- I was either dead tired, or amped on adrenaline and hyper-vigilance -- yet the hours stretched. And I’ll tell you: Boredom and hopelessness is a toxic cocktail. To dull the pain and kill the boredom, people around me did dope, speed, or anything and everything. I understood why. But I was determined not to become my mother.

Rogue and I were working on a D&D campaign one morning at the cafe when Frank and Joey sent us on a mission to rustle up their late dog walker, Jimmy, who was apparently sleeping one off in Frank and Joey’s van, which we called the “murder van” -- because it looked like one.

I walked with Rogue along a row of rummy-junkies laying on the sidewalk at various angles, men warming themselves in the South of Market sun. SOMA’s windless heat cooked their odors into the air, turning our walk down the alley into a noxious gauntlet of piss, shit, and rotten shoes. We were the early morning search and rescue team. Rogue spotted the murder van and we honed in.

“Wait,” Rogue said quietly, holding up her hand. I smiled, thinking she had a plan to prank Jimmy. An oversleeping penalty. We stood two parked cars away from the van. “Stay here,” she said. I stayed.

Rogue walked over and looked at the side mirror, then quickly peered inside. Her mohawk looked like a rooster comb in profile, peeking in the van’s window. She turned around and walked back to me. She wasn’t smiling. “Let’s go.”

“Wait,” I said, “what’s going on?”

“You don’t want to know,” she said. “Let’s just go.”

“What do you mean?” I started walking to the van. Whatever it was, I had to know.

“Don’t!” Rogue hissed, barely above a whisper. “You don’t want to look in there.”

I followed Rogue’s previous steps, carefully looking in the side mirror first. It was hard to see into the van’s dark interior. After half a second my eyes caught movement. Slow, rolling movement. I blinked the image into focus. Lisa moving, arching her back on top of Jimmy, and Jimmy’s hands rising to meet her pale skin.

I backed away from the van. “Oh,” I said quietly. Rogue came over and took my hand, leading me back toward the cafe.

Rogue could’ve said ‘I told you so’ when we were walking but she didn’t. Instead, she just said, “I’m sorry.”

I asked if we could walk for a little bit. I waited for her outside the cafe while she went in to tell Frank and Joey that Jimmy was on his own. She came out with two mochas in paper cups. “Soy, like you like,” she said, handing me the treat. We walked.

“Do you want to talk about it?” She asked. “I’m fine either way.

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