When She Woke by Hillary Jordan

Author:Hillary Jordan
Language: eng
Format: mobi, epub
Publisher: Algonquin Books
Published: 2011-10-01T22:00:00+00:00

HANNAH SLEPT UNTIL WELL PAST noon, waking to the heavenly smell of frying bacon. It told her immediately that she was no longer at the center; that she wouldn’t have to endure another hasty, tepid shower and meager breakfast, another soporific sermon by Reverend Henley, another gruesome enlightenment session with Bob. She showered and put on the clothes Kayla had left for her: jeans, a cotton sweater, underwear, socks, sneakers. Hannah had never worn pants before, and the snug feel of them was discomfiting. She’d been taught that pants were inappropriate for girls because they were immodest, an explanation that had never made sense to her, given that pants, unlike all but floor-length skirts, covered a hundred percent of a woman’s legs. Once, just after she turned sixteen, she pressed her mother as to exactly why they were immodest. “Because they remind men of your legs and what’s between them,” her mother replied. “Is that what you want to do?” The answer had disturbed Hannah so much that from that moment on, she never again questioned the convention.

Now, eyeing herself in the mirror, Hannah could see her mother’s point. The jeans were a little short but otherwise fit her form perfectly, emphasizing the length of her legs, the smallness of her waist, the roundness of her buttocks. When she stood with her legs together, there was a triangular gap just below her crotch, and two more at the top and bottom of her calves. The gaps seemed almost like invitations.

But. Hannah cocked her head, tasting a new idea. If women’s pants were suggestive, men’s were equally so, and they revealed a great deal more of what was underneath them. There was almost always a bulge—you couldn’t help but notice it—and if the pants were tight, you could see practically everything. And the way men were always drawing attention to it! Touching and scratching themselves with total unselfconsciousness, as if they were alone and not in public. She’d even seen Aidan do it a few times, absent-mindedly. And yet no one accused men of being improper or of encouraging sin by reminding women of what hung between their legs. She looked at herself in the mirror, irritated suddenly by the double standard. This was how her body was made. The fact that it was well made and encased in a pair of blue jeans didn’t mean she was inviting anything.

“You alive in there?” Kayla called out.

Hannah went and joined her in the kitchen. “Morning.”

“Morning,” Kayla returned brightly. The cheerfulness was a bit forced, but Hannah was glad to see that the despair of yesterday was gone.

“Where’s TJ?”

Kayla shrugged. “He was gone when I got up. Left me a note saying he’d be back by three. I’d like to be out of here before then.”

“You mean, for good?”

“Yup.” There wasn’t an atom of doubt in Kayla’s voice.

“Where to?”

They discussed their options over breakfast. Neither of them wanted to stay in Dallas; the associations were too painful. But the idea of going someplace where they knew no one was daunting.

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