Welcome to My Breakdown by Benilde Little

Author:Benilde Little
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Atria Books

15

Mom’s Malady, My Menopause

THE OCTOBER evening had taken on a blustery fall chill. My mother was scheduled for open-heart surgery the following day. I was sitting next to her hospital bed, listening to her sum up the state of her health and the litany of her recent encounters with medicine.

I can’t walk three feet without losing my breath. They finally figured out what was wrong with me. My cardiologist, that handsome Dr. Lappa, found out that one of my valves is leaking. I told him I’d had another valve replaced six years ago. They put a pig part in me. My other cardiologist, Dr. Mahdi, turns out was the daddy of one of Ford’s friends. They always took good care of me, but after he found out I was Ford’s grandma, he took extra good care of me. When they recommended surgery, I didn’t think twice about it. “Let’s do it,” I said. But everybody was all worried. You even said to the doctors, “But she’s eighty-two. How’re you going to do that kind of operation on somebody her age?”

Dr. Mahdi said, “Other than her heart, she’s in perfect health.”

I have to admit I thought that was funny. “Other than her heart,” like you can live without one. I want to get better. I want to be able to do all the things I used to do. I don’t like sittin’ around. It was bad enough that Matthew took my car keys from me, just because I got a little confused one time and we got separated at the mall and the police was called. They thought I’d escaped from the old folks’ home or somethin.’ They didn’t believe me that me and my husband came there together and had got mixed up about where we were supposed to meet. I told them call Neal, but you weren’t home so here comes Cliff to get me. He had to drive all the way down to the Woodbridge Mall from Montclair.

Well, the night before the last surgery I remember you stayed later than your usual time, past visiting hours. Lookin’ at me all sad, telling me, “You’ve been a great mother. I was so lucky to have you.” How you love me and appreciate everything I did. I think you thought I wasn’t gonna come outta that surgery. But I knew I would. I’d made up my mind that I wasn’t ready to go yet, even though I was sick to death of hospitals. I’ve been in and out of the hospital in the last few years, had to be six or seven times. Before I got into my late seventies I didn’t have any problems. I had never been in the hospital. Before all this mess with my heart, my regular doctor, Dr. Haggerty, thought she saw a mass on my pancreas during an X-ray and was sendin’ me to all these specialists. I remember how you broke down right in the elevator after we was leavin’ one of ’em. I looked at you and told you, “I’m not worried about this.

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