Welcome to Hell: Rediscovering First Love by Lee Wardlow

Author:Lee Wardlow [Wardlow, Lee]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Published: 2014-09-18T05:00:00+00:00

Chapter Thirteen

Upon my return to Eden I discovered the man that I had dated had replaced the man that I had married. James was acting different. He was sweet as he could be and he tried awkwardly to be loving to me. He was wooing me again. Did he somehow know that I had changed since leaving Eden for Hell? Although I knew the charade would not last I felt guilty. Guilty because I had made love with Kerry? Guilty because Kerry was all that I could think about even when James was lying next to me sleeping in our bed. Guilty. Guilty. Guilty.

Two days at home, we were lying in bed not really talking or touching when James reached for me. He caressed my breast. I feigned a headache. Again he approached me later in the week wanting to make love and I told him I was too tired. He remained patient. I still had not told him that our marriage was over. I had not changed my mind but this altered behavior of his was making me a crazy woman.

There was no doubt in my mind that I no longer loved him but the guilt of my affair was overwhelming me. I felt even more trapped in the marriage. James and I were not meant to be together. I knew that now. I had known that for a long time. We had different values and morals. Our lives were brought together by fate but we should never have married.

I had not really dated anyone seriously in the years that I was raising Keegan. My sisters had fixed me up with different men. Issy’s husband had friends at work that he brought home to introduce to me. They took me out once or twice but no one seemed to last long. It was difficult being a single mother and dating. Some men took one look at Kat and ran like hell. Some men aren’t emotionally equipped to take the task of raising another man’s child. There are some who think that they are but aren’t. I had dated them all.

Then, James walked into the office where I worked. James had never been married. He had never had children of his own. He didn’t care that I was a single mother. He was charming and handsome. He spent money like it grew on trees. James was smooth. He had won me over easily. I was his possession. I could see that now.

Gradually he started criticizing the way that I raised Keegan, which was to treat her as a person with an opinion. He didn’t understand why I raised Kat the way that I did because he had not been with her since a baby as I had. He had always accused me of indulging her. I had tried to explain to him that he could not possibly understand never having children of his own. There was a time when I thought having a child with him would make things better because then he would understand.

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