Unashamed by Lecrae Moore

Author:Lecrae Moore [Moore, Lecrae]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Tags: Biography & Autobiography/Composers & Musicians
Publisher: B&H Publishing Group
Published: 2016-05-02T12:00:00+00:00

I’d like to say I called off the party for that week and turned over a new leaf. But that isn’t true. The situation left me speechless for a few hours, and then I was back at it. We still hosted the party that weekend, and nearly two hundred kids attended. We hosted more, and attendance grew as word spread. Soon we were having four or five hundred or more at each party. Ed and I were each clearing $3,000 per night easy, which was not bad for a twenty-one-year-old without a college degree.

Over time, our parties grew famous. So famous, in fact, that MTV decided they wanted to film one. They were doing some series on underage kids who party or something, and we figured it would be cool to have one of our hotel parties on there. The only problem is that this night turned out to be absolutely crazy. Some kids were drinking huge amounts and throwing up. Others were having sex on the dance floor. A fight broke out and got out of hand. It was total chaos, and somewhere in the middle of it all, someone smashed in my friend’s car windows and stole the thousands of dollars that Ed and I had made.

We were back at square one. Or square zero, really. We were broke.

I remember the emptiness I felt when I tried to sleep that night. So much time had passed since Atlanta. Since that night I met God in the hotel ballroom. Since I cried out for God to forgive me. Since I heard the voices chanting “Jesus” from the rooftop. It had been so long since I felt free like that. That night and so many before, I felt like a spiritual failure and a spiritual fraud. But I felt like God was still with me. I was making a mountain of mistakes, but I was not alone. God had seen my many failures, but He hadn’t left me as a result.

And yet I was still unwilling to surrender. To let go. To give up control. I still wanted to run the show and carve my own path and make my own way. I wanted God in my life, but only in the background. I wasn’t giving up the starring role. Somehow I ignored the fact that whenever I took the lead, I always messed things up. Little did I know, I was about to mess things up again by making the greatest mistake of my life.

* * *

Now that I was penniless, I decided to start looking for a steady paying job. In the local job listings, I found an entry from a call center and, even though I’d never done anything like that, assumed it was better than nothing. My girlfriend at the time—we’ll call her “Kim”—applied too, and we both got jobs.

The attraction between Kim and me was electric. She was smart and beautiful, loved music and liked to sing, was artistic and adventurous. And she liked to get high as much as I did.

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