The Land of Ark by Bret Burquest

Author:Bret Burquest [Burquest, Bret]
Language: eng
Format: azw3
Published: 2014-04-30T16:00:00+00:00

2 The Year of Surprises

"I like the serendipitous surprises of reality." Lawrence Wright In 2001, I started writing weekly columns for the local newspaper in Salem, Arkansas and I also started teaching computer courses at Ozarka College in Melbourne, Arkansas.

The year turned out to be a year of surprises, especially in September as I was beginning my college teaching gig.

The following is a recap of my life in 2001, a year of surprises. JANUARY: The Presidential election was so close it was still being debated during the inauguration. The Democrats had presented us with a man from Tennessee who had the charisma of a hickory tree and falsely claimed he had invented the Internet. The Republicans countered with the only man in Texas who had no personality and managed to get through life with a vocabulary of about 85 words. In the end, the voters did the best they could to make sure neither one of them won

– they made it a tie. After much political wrangling and a close examination of dimpled chads, one of them won anyway.

FEBRUARY: My fourth novel was published. After years of writing and a ton of rejection letters, all four of my novels were now in print. For a long time, I wondered if it would ever happen. While they aren’t on any best-seller list (yet), I’m genuinely surprised I actually managed to pull it off.

MARCH: I began writing a weekly newspaper column for THE NEWS in Salem. Surprise #1 -- they actually published it. Surprise #2 – they continued to publish it (every week for the next 7 years). Surprise #3 – I never ran out of things to say.

APRIL: Doing my federal taxes cost me about 10 hours of lost time and gave me a massive headache. The surprise was that I managed to get through it without having to consult a tax accountant or a clinical psychologist.

MAY: It rained quite a bit and everything turned green, including several fuzzy items on the lower shelf of my refrigerator. The surprise came when one of the fuzzy green items in my refrigerator sprouted legs and began to move. I think it was either a cucumber or some guacamole dip. I shot it twice and threw it in the woods.

JUNE: The chiggers made their annual pilgrimage to my country estate. While this wasn’t a big surprise, they were a bit more organized this year. They posted a schedule of my daily activities and set up a buffet line near my back porch.

JULY: It was a dull, hot month. I watered my garden often and spent a couple of afternoons each week soaking in my kiddie pool. The surprise was that it turned out to be the only month without a surprise.

AUGUST: After more than 30 years as a computer programmer and consultant, I accepted a position as an adjunct instructor at a local college, teaching computer courses in night school a couple of evenings per week. This may not be a surprise to the rest of the world, but it was a big surprise to me.

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