The Good Mothers by Alex Perry

Author:Alex Perry [Perry, Alex]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: HarperCollins Publishers
Published: 2017-12-13T05:00:00+00:00

Four days later, on the night of 29 May 2011, Concetta stole out of the family home in the middle of the night and ran to a waiting carabinieri car. In her room, she had left a letter for her mother.

Dear Mama

I do not know where to start. I can’t find the words to justify this action of mine. Mama, you’re mama! Only you can understand a daughter. I know the pain that I’m causing you. By explaining everything to you, then at least you can explain to everyone else. I didn’t want to leave you without saying anything. How many times have I wanted to talk to you? How much did I want to spare you pain? But I failed. And all this pain, I turned it into aggression, and I took it out on the person who, above all, I love the most.

That’s why I’m entrusting my children to you. But one thing I beg of you. Don’t make the mistakes that you made with me. Give them a better life than I had. Paired off at thirteen, I thought marriage would give me a little freedom. Instead, I ruined my life. Salvatore never loved me nor me him. You know that. So don’t make the same mistakes with the children, I beg you. Give them space. If you shut them away, they’ll start to behave badly because they’ll feel trapped by everything. That’s how you treated me.

I can’t write much more. I just wanted to ask you to forgive me, Mother, for the shame I’m bringing you. In the end, I realised that I was alone – alone among everyone. I’ve never known luxury and I never wanted money. But now I have the peace and love and the satisfaction you feel when you make a sacrifice. This life has given me nothing but pain. The most beautiful thing in my life is my children. I keep them in my heart. Give your strength to them. Don’t let their father have them; he’s not worthy of them. Take care of Alfonso. He suffered as a boy and that’s why he is how he is. He’s not strong. You need to watch him closely.

I will live as long as God allows but I have to try to find some peace in my heart. Mama, forgive me. Please pray for forgiveness for all the harm that I’m causing. I’m going to a place where I can find some serenity. Don’t look for me or you’ll get into trouble. I can’t speak to you any more and I can’t hug you, I can only write – but I couldn’t leave without telling you I was going and wishing you well. I have only you and my children in my mind’s eye. I love you, Mama. Hug my children as you always have and don’t talk about them to anyone who’s not worthy of them. Ma, farewell. And forgive me. Forgive me if you can. I know I’ll never see you again.

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