The Bizarro Starter Kit (Blue) by Steve Aylett

Author:Steve Aylett [Steve Aylett]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Published: 2011-07-23T10:59:21+00:00

CHAPTER NINE

ing.”

THE MAKIL HEALTH CARE CENTER

“What? Oh, the shepherd. Where?”

“That was the Makil Health Care Cen-

ter.”

“Of or pertaining to the uterus” is the defini-

“Graceless,” said Nan.

tion of “hysteria.” Thus, to cure women [note:

“Gracious,” corrected Nin. Nan

only women exhibit hysteria, by definition] of scowled.

their hysteria, doctors rip out their uteruses.

“Graceless,” repeated Nan, with em-

Whenever a typical doctor treats a

phasis.

woman and cannot figure out what is truly

“That’s the first target, kids,” said wrong with her, that doctor dismisses it as “hys-Sam.

teria” and cuts out her uterus.

“We’re short, not young,” replied

Of course, the doctors caught on to

Nan indignantly.

the fact that the jig was up about the word

“It’s designed as a huge cross, each

“hysteria” and changed their prognosis to wing dedicated to one speciality: hysterectomy,

“premenstrual syndrome” and came up with tonsillectomy, circumcision, and cosmetic sur-expensive placebos to cure the imaginary ail-gery.”

ment, or rather the single ailment that included

“How do you know that?”

thousands of unrelated symptoms.

“TV commercials, Holmes. Like ev-

Take these pills, Alice. They’ll cure eryone else.”

you. How dare you stand there and bleed all

“Which one do you think our shep-

over the place?

herd would be involved with, do you sup-I remember my insurance paperwork

pose?”

once stating, “Pregnancy will be treated like

“I suppose stockings. I don’t know.

any other illness,” i.e. as a disease only doc-What does he prefer: playing with his mouth, tors know how to cure. Before doctors, women playing with his pud, playing with his could not be cured of their pregnancies.

neighbor’s toys, or conceptualizing bodily perA man was arguing with a nurse at a

fection?”

nurse’s station. His gestures were violent, his Tough question. I don’t even know

pointing finger a dagger in the air.

if I could tell you for myself, even less for some-

“My wife loved me before she came

one else.

in here for this completely unnecessary opera-Yes, that’s me! “Even Less For Sometion, and now she won’t have anything to do one Else.” Nin looked at Nan, who was falling with me,” he was saying. “And it’s your fault.”

asleep. I hope Beth has a sense of humor.

“Sir, I wasn’t even on duty that day.”

Better order some more Dommy P. before she

“Not you. All of you. You greedy gets back. She’s not likely to order it herself.

slimebags who’d rip out a woman’s innards in Oh, well. She thought Nan was cute and I was exchange for memberships at the exclusive ‘no-clever. Madam Comnist knew them. From years women, no-Blacks, no-Jews’ country clubs.

ago. We don’t talk about it. It’s over and done You hate women so much you can’t even stand with. It’s in the pond in the park, and ducks to have their innard-less bodies on your links.

down to use it.

That’s it, isn’t it?”

Ducks drown to use it.

“Sir, I wasn’t there. And I don’t golf.”

“Of course not. They don’t allow

you to.”

“Who?”

“The doctors. The greedy scum who

cut out my wife’s love for me.”

ECKHARD GERDES

128

“Sir, I’ll get you a supervisor. Just a room location?”

minute.”

The rentacop’s head spun around

Nin watched her mouth the word “se-

three times and then exploded.

curity” into the phone. Nin walked up to the Another rentacop came over.

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