The Big Shuffle by Laura Pedersen

Author:Laura Pedersen [Pedersen, Laura]
Language: eng
Format: epub, mobi
ISBN: 978-0-307-48223-5
Publisher: Random House Publishing Group
Published: 2006-08-19T04:00:00+00:00

WHEN CRAIG RETURNS AT FIVE O'CLOCK, I DON'T HEAR HIM come through the front door because of all the noise. Darlene, Davy, and Francie are playing some game that involves screaming as loud as they can. In fact, that's all it seems to involve. Lillian has found a kazoo, and the twins have turned into sheep, going “Bah!” every few seconds. Meantime Teddy is accusing Francie and Darlene of leaving the caps off of his Magic Markers again. The twins are loudly proclaiming their innocence as Teddy threatens to wallop them. One might well ask, “Where are the parents?”

Pastor Costello removes the chipped-beef casserole from the oven while I set the table. When I poke my head into the living room to tell Lillian to quit it with the kazoo, Craig is standing in the front hall like a deer caught in headlights, unable to take a step without landing on top of toy soldiers set up for battle, scattered checkers, various pieces of Mr. Potato Head, and an abandoned game of Candyland. Francie's favorite Raffi CD is blasting from a boom box, and the kitten is happily tearing apart a mitten under the coffee table. Craig has never spent any time at the Palmer household, aside from the day we stopped by before the prom, and apparently wasn't expecting this level of critical mass.

“Come on in,” I shout over Raffi singing “Willoughby Wallaby Woo” accompanied by Lillian's kazoo. “We're in the kitchen.” To the kids, I say, “Clean up this stuff, wash your hands for dinner, and turn that CD off or Willoughby Wallaby Woo the elephant is going to sit on you, too!” A county fair couldn't make more commotion.

Craig makes his way through the mess. “Wow. These are all your brothers and sisters?”

“No, I've taken hostages.” Granted, when they're gathered in one room and not spread out in the backyard it does look like a much larger group.

At dinner Pastor Costello leads the prayer. In the past few weeks he's Jesused us all up with a full-length grace at each meal, complete with special intentions from everyone. Then during dinner each child must tell one good thing and one bad thing about his or her day. Francie goes last because she harbors grudges against almost every boy in her class and it takes at least ten minutes to work through them all. Pastor Costello feels the need to invest a substantial amount of time deconstructing her anger, with a focus on forgiveness. Meantime, I, the less charitable among us, think we should pursue a different line of inquiry: What is Francie doing to make these boys so angry in the first place?

After dinner Craig and I clear the table and start in on the stacks of dishes.

“Wow, it's sort of like working in a restaurant, isn't it?” Craig asks good-naturedly.

“Welcome to my world,” I say. “The best part is that you don't have to worry about quality since everyone is a repeat customer. The bad news is that the tips are lousy and the floor needs mopping after each meal.

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