That’s Not a Thing: A Novel by Jacqueline Friedland

Author:Jacqueline Friedland
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: She Writes Press
Published: 2020-12-15T00:00:00+00:00

Chapter Sixteen

March 2017

I’m just getting to work when Lana calls.

“Hey,” I answer, dropping into my desk chair. Nicola isn’t here yet to roll her eyes at me for engaging in non-work-related chitchat.

“Are your parents hosting Mother’s Day again this year?” Lana asks, without preamble.

“I guess so.” Mother’s Day is still a couple of months away, and I can’t say I’ve given it much thought. “Why?”

“I’m not inviting Reese.”

“Okay.” I still don’t know where we’re going with this. I hear voices in the hallway as other attorneys and admins arrive. I push at the glass door of my office with my patent leather–covered toe; the frosted door swings closed while I wait for Lana to explain what she means.

“I’ve had it. I think it’s time he starts getting left out of the family affairs that he enjoys so much, so he can see what life might be like without me.”

“Lana, what are you talking about?” I laugh out loud. “Why does Reese care whether he comes to my parents’ Mother’s Day barbecue?”

“Oh my God, for real?” she demands, her voice rising a couple of octaves. “It’s like the highlight of his year every year, the whole down-and-dirty barbecue thing. Dope, actually, is how I remember him describing it to his dad last year. The Altmans are so dope.” Her voice is laced with ridicule as she draws out the last word. She pauses for a second, and I can hear her sipping on something, which I imagine is her daily nonfat vanilla iced latte. “Also, he’s obsessed with your dad’s blue cheese sliders.”

My dad isn’t much in the kitchen, but he does grill like a champ. Between the backyard smoker he added to his arsenal a few years ago and the next-door neighbor’s deep fryer, I think it’s fair to say that our annual Mother’s Day get-together actually is pretty dope.

“So, what’s the plan? He misses out on his Jeff special and then he decides he can’t live without the Altman Mother’s Day barbecue, which translates into not being able to live without you? Cue proposal?” I can’t say I’m impressed by the plan here.

“No, dumbass,” she quips. “I was thinking that I could tell him he’s not invited, which is the first blow, and then spend the whole afternoon with one of Aaron’s cousins or some hot doctor friend that you can tell him to bring. I’ll post a whole bunch of pics on social media for Reese to see after the fact, and maybe that will get him thinking.”

“Okay, I have problems with this plan on so many levels, the first of which is that you should not need to make your man jealous in order for him to realize how much you mean to him.”

My mind flashes to the mind-blowing sex Aaron and I had last night, and I wonder if I’m actually right about that.

“Secondly, if this is how you’re feeling now—today, or last month, or last year—why are you waiting until Mother’s Day to take action?”

She

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