Severance by N. N. Britt

Author:N. N. Britt [Britt, N. N.]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: N. N. Britt
Published: 2019-07-24T16:00:00+00:00

I put in my earbuds and set my phone and an empty cup next to me on the bench. Both of my parents are still at work and I don’t believe they’ll somehow find out I’m about to smoke a cigarette in our backyard unless they’ve installed security cameras to spy on me.

The anxiety rocking through me starts to ease up after I take a drag. I turn up the music and inhale the smoke as deeply as my lungs will allow. This is the first time since the attack I’ve listened to Dakota sing and it feels heavenly. His voice is a fine blend of tender and rough and it washes through me like water, filling me with the memories and sensations I’ve almost forgotten.

I close my eyes and tilt my head up toward the sun, its warmth caressing my skin like a mother would her child. Somewhere amidst all this darkness and chaos, there’s a glimpse of the peace I’m trying to catch. I need it to last me at least a few days. At least until the madness of the hearing stops popping up at me from every internet page.

The song is on the second chorus when I feel an earbud falling out of my ear and the music suddenly disappears.

“I’m not going to repeat myself,” my father says, holding out his hand in front of me. “If I see you smoking again, I’m sending you to a rehabilitation center.” His eyes burn with annoyance.

“It’s not cocaine, Dad,” I mutter, grabbing at my earbud that’s dangling over my chest. “It’s just a cigarette.”

“You need to stop this nonsense, young lady.” His hand jerks impatiently near my face.

“If you hit me again, I’ll go to the police.” I jump up from the bench, grabbing my phone, the cigarette still in my hands. The hurt begins to choke me.

“I’m tired of putting up with your behavior,” my father says, his tone flat.

“What behavior?” I toss both hands in the air, my eyes are filling with moisture.

“You’re skipping your therapy sessions and you’re not taking your medications as instructed. You’re out at night with some questionable characters! I have no idea where you are and what you’re doing and who you’re doing it with”—he pauses for a second to catch his breath—“like some slut! I didn’t raise you to sleep around!”

His words are like razor blades, cutting me into thousands of pieces.

“Guess what, Dad?” I throw the cigarette on the ground. “People fuck before they get married. They fuck until they’re tired of each other and then they fuck someone else until they meet the one person they think they won’t get tired of fucking for the rest of their lives.”

My father’s face twists with shock, his jaw hanging open.

“And you know what else?” I say, swallowing the emotions that clog my throat. “You’re not going to hell for that. You know why? Because this is hell. We live in fucking hell already.”

I don’t hear or see anything on my way back into the house.

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