Night Blindness by Susan Strecker

Author:Susan Strecker
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: 9781466849617
Publisher: St. Martin's Press

18

After I told Mandy, I went around in a daze. I didn’t know if I felt relief or if something inside had disconnected. My mirrors felt like windows looking out at a crowded street. I didn’t see my reflection, just the image of someone who looked vaguely familiar, like a girl I used to know in grade school but whose name I had long since forgotten.

At odd moments, I felt as though I would open my mouth and tell my father what had happened, like when we were sitting at the drive-through prescription window downtown or at the grocery store buying asparagus. Things with Jamie felt even more strained. My urge to confess was constant, but she was off-limits. After she hadn’t listened to me when I tried to tell her in high school, I couldn’t do it now, and I was so angry at her for that.

In early August, I took Jamie to drop off her car at the dealership. On the way home, we stopped at her agency. It was three blocks from the hospital where I’d been taking my dad for radiation five days a week all summer and I hadn’t been there once since I’d been home. The elevator doors opened, and as we got closer to the studio, I heard Piers, her photographer, pleading in his Italian accent with a model to look more desperate.

He was heroin-skinny as ever, black hair back in that same ponytail, camera around his neck, looking up at a six-foot teenager in a bathing suit. The overhead lights made the place feel like an oven. Covering the walls were black-and-white photos of all the girls Jamie and Piers had discovered. Four fans were blowing the model’s blond hair everywhere. “Poutier.” Piers frowned, showing her what he meant. He just looked constipated. “I need hopeless.” The girl stuck out her bottom lip. He spun in a small circle and smiled when he saw me. “Bella.” He put his arm around my shoulders. “Just look like this one. Damaged and beautiful.” He released me and kissed Jamie on the cheek. “You take tiny break,” he said to the relieved girl. She studied me for a moment before disappearing into the break room.

Jamie handed Piers a portfolio. He tucked it under his arm and said to me, “It’s been ages, darling, congratulations on your father’s”—he searched for the word; he’d been in the United States thirty years, and he was still searching for words—“recovery.”

“He’s not recovered, Piers,” I said. “He has a brain tumor.”

He put his hand over his mouth, and I felt bad for being mean. He’d always been kind, brought homemade taffy for Will and me when we were little and Jamie brought us to shoots. “Yes, but it is okay?” He tilted his head. “I thought—” Then he saw another model appear from the back. “Janel,” he called over his shoulder, “you are mine in T minus two.” He tapped his watch. “So, Ukraine’s portfolio, it is perfect, no?” He looked at Jamie.

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