New Year, New You by Steve Pacer

Author:Steve Pacer [Pacer, Steve]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Tags: NineStar Press, LGBT, gay, bi, in the closet, coming out, family drama, contemporary
Publisher: NineStar Press, LLC
Published: 2018-10-15T00:00:00+00:00

Twenty: Abram

It wasn’t only anger. There was a bit of perplexity mixed in too. Anger, perplexity, and a little dash of rage—all thinly veiled in a cloak of bitterness.

No single word in the English language could accurately describe Abe’s feelings as he headed home on autopilot, sacrificing not one thought to the actual task of driving.

He realized how zoned-out he had become when approaching his street, not quite remembering how he got there, not recalling any of the stop signs, rights and lefts or red lights along the way. Arriving home on sheer memory alone, Abe spent all his effort building his wall back up, brick by brick, blocking the night’s horrible conversation from being processed within him.

He put his car into park, turned the engine off, and flung his head back on the seat with enough force to send a jolt down his spine. A large fractured breath came out, punctuated by the near onset of a sob. Abe held it together—for once in his life—trying to handle the night’s events like a capable adult and not a petulant child, despite the fact that he emerged as a ball of confusion after his time with Harris.

Is he lying? Did they really say that? Would they really do that to me?

Abe couldn’t answer those questions himself. He disputed Harris’s explanation and felt he deserved to know the actual truth, exactly what caused the one damn thing that had sucked up so much of his energy for the past three years. That was apparently never going to happen, thrusting “Abe and Harris’s breakup” on the list of the world’s greatest unanswerable questions, landing on the list next to what really happened to Amelia Earhart or who the Zodiac Killer was.

Abe knew he was being overdramatic, but his emotional overanalyzing was an unfortunate side effect of stress that he had spent his whole life trying to avoid. As he sat in his driveway glued to the front seat, his emotionally fragile mind-set suddenly solidified into something powerful. Abe declared that this was officially the end; he was done. Harris McGee, the man downright responsible for so many memories and so much love, would never again enter Abe’s life. Watching him walk hastily away from their conversation at the river had been the sad finale of their friendship, their relationship, and their lives together.

He couldn’t do this to himself anymore, couldn’t watch Harris dangle the carrot in front of his face as he continually fell short of grabbing the prize. And Abe knew what steps to take to guarantee that he removed Harris from his life forever.

Abe tussled with the pocket of his jeans before springing his phone loose, quickly going to his recent calls and dialing the fifth number down. The phone rang in elongated tones as Abe cleared his throat.

He couldn’t believe he was doing this without thinking of what to say or how to say it. Typically, Abe would practice these speeches for days on end, trying to perfect every word and inflection, while rehearsing responses to a burst of possible return questions.

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