My Reality by Rycroft Melissa

Author:Rycroft, Melissa [Rycroft, Melissa]
Language: eng
Format: mobi, epub
Publisher: Gallery Books
Published: 2012-06-05T00:00:00+00:00

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“STRICKTLY” PLATONIC

Having to internalize everything that I was going through was near impossible. I wasn’t any more captivated by my job than I had previously been, and so I had nothing to distract me from thinking about my romantic problems, constantly, at work during the day. I thought about them at night, too, because I didn’t have the Cowboys to distract me anymore. And, yes, I thought about them in the mornings. And on weekends. In fact, there wasn’t a time when I was not thinking about them.

At least, for once, I hadn’t been afraid to tell Tye what I needed from him, which was for him to leave me alone. Not that it was easy to do so. It took a lot. But it also felt good. I could tell, even then, that it was a very defining time for me, and that I was gaining a lot of independence. I felt like I was in control for once. I was grabbing ahold of the reigns and actually thinking about what I wanted to do with my life.

On the one hand, if I stuck with the decision I had made, I’d be in Seattle. I’d be a stepmom, which would mean getting a start on the family that was so important to me. I’d be with a man who had made me feel beautiful and intelligent and funny, and who had given me the confidence to get back on my feet after the worst period of my entire life, and who had—up until now—made me feel so special. But my husband would potentially be somebody who really wanted the spotlight.

On the other hand, if I took this other road, and I went with Tye, I’d be going with the guy who had always made me happier, always made me laugh more, and who still always gave me that same old feeling of “It’s Tye, it’s always been Tye.” But, even more important, I was afraid that I couldn’t trust him. If I did, I knew there was a chance that I could end up exactly where I had been a few months before. Because, as dense as I had been about Tye, and as much as I had lived in denial about the way he treated me, once I went on The Bachelor, I finally got clear on the message Tye had been trying to give me for months before: He didn’t want me. He had ignored me, disrespected me, done whatever he wanted, even when it made me cry (even though I had never let him know he made me cry). So now it was hard to believe that he thought a few text messages were enough to show that his feelings and intentions had changed, just like that.

It was an internal battle. And because it was occupying so much of my thoughts, I often didn’t want to talk to anybody. I didn’t want to talk to Tye and have him try to win me over. I didn’t

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