Mother Daughter Me by Katie Hafner

Author:Katie Hafner [Hafner, Katie]
Language: eng
Format: epub, mobi
ISBN: 978-0-8129-8459-0
Publisher: Random House Publishing Group
Published: 2013-07-01T16:00:00+00:00

17.

Drinking a Little

———

I’ll ne’er be drunk whilst I live again,

but in honest, civil, godly company.

—Slender in William Shakespeare,

THE MERRY WIVES OF WINDSOR

PART OF THE PROCESS OF ENTERING INTO A RELATIONSHIP WITH BOB means we’re stepping into each other’s social lives. As a busy physician at the University of California, San Francisco, Bob has many social obligations related to work, especially around the holidays, when there are parties to attend. As we mingle our way through one of them, held at an elegant Pacific Heights house, Bob makes a point of introducing me to his UCSF colleague Louann Brizendine and her husband, Sam Barondes. Both Sam and Louann are psychiatrists, and in the midst of our small talk, I tell them about my living arrangement. They’re immediately curious, their questions so disarming that I tell them more. Within minutes, we’re huddled on a window seat in a corner of the dining room, with the rest of the party melting away. I’m leaning into Sam and Louann’s sympathetic probing with my head down, studying the pattern of the room-sized Oriental rug under my feet as I tell them about my childhood and my mother’s drinking.

Sam asks me a pointed yet obvious question: “Does she still drink?”

I don’t quite know how to answer Sam’s question. “Well, I’m not sure,” I say. “I think she drinks a little.” When we moved in together, I explain, I noticed that she had a stash of cheap wine in a cupboard in the laundry room downstairs—bottles of Two-Buck Chuck from Trader Joe’s and cartons of Franzia chardonnay from Safeway. My hunch is that she buys the wine in bulk much as she buys paper towels in bulk, not because she is storing up for a binge but for reasons of frugality. And I’m guessing that she has a glass or two at night, the purpose of which I believe is to help her sleep. Although I’ve thought about measuring the levels at regular intervals, I can’t bring myself to and have simply chosen not to worry. She doesn’t drink during the day, and at dinner she doesn’t drink wine unless it’s to take a small sip of something good I’ve opened, just to taste it. As I speak, I see a slight shift, a new look of curiosity in the eyes of both doctors.

“Oh!” says Sam, taking in the new information and running with it. “So she uses it as a sedative. That seems fine. But it’s very unusual for an alcoholic to be able to drink in moderation. It’s not unheard of, but it’s very, very unusual.” Louann, who writes bestselling books about how the brain works, nods in agreement. She explains something about the technical reasons that partial abstinence is so difficult. Her explanation involves dopamine pathways, pleasure receptors, and enzymes, most of which goes straight over my head.

Sam gives me his card. “If you want to talk more about this, give me a call.”

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