Looking Past by Smith Katharine E

Author:Smith, Katharine E. [Smith, Katharine E.]
Language: eng
Format: mobi
Publisher: Heddon Publishing
Published: 2014-11-30T16:00:00+00:00

So really, the argument James and I had over his mum had been brewing for a while. When James had left the house that evening, I sat trembling, and trying to hold back the tears, but then I thought What the hell? and let the floodgates open. Clutching a pillow to me, I felt the sobs wracking my body. I suddenly felt really alone.

Dad was so, so far away. Chloe was on the other side of the world. I felt I had got myself entangled in James’ and Hazel’s world, and I had allowed myself to be trapped there. Living in the village next to hers, in the house she had chosen for us. My closest family and friend abroad, I had to rely on these two people who apparently cared nothing for me and for what I felt or thought about things.

However, as the sobs gradually died down, I became more calm and rational. I made myself think of James. The gentle boy I had met at university who now, although engrossed in his career, was still a kind, thoughtful partner who I thought would make a lovely dad.

Hazel was, undeniably, overbearing and often thoughtless, but I knew that somewhere, deep down, she had a warm side and that, despite her own focus on her career and reputation, she would always look out for her family.

I made myself a drink of warm milk and took myself off to bed. When James and I had rowed before, one or the other of us would leave a note or come to find the other, apologising and wanting to smooth things over. I wasn’t sure yet how to end this particular argument as I knew it was based on some genuine resentments and an issue we had to get past, but I also knew that I did want to end it.

We had a baby to think of; that was far more important than a wedding.

I set my mug on my bedside table and went to close the curtains. Outside, I could see nothing except a small square of lawn illuminated by the kitchen light, which I’d left on for James’ return, and then thick, soft, dark night stretching on into the distance.

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