Kissing Outside the Lines by Diane Farr

Author:Diane Farr
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Seal Press
Published: 2011-03-30T04:00:00+00:00

AT ALL THE LOCATIONS we visited, the largest event held in Mammoth or the surrounding towns was for 150 people. Seung and I settle on pushing the envelope to two hundred guests. We agree that more will go wrong than right, but Seung’s first priority will be met and so will mine.

We decide to risk working with the stoners who run the actual ski facilities for just one of our events, albeit the big one—the wedding ceremony. Considering it will only be thirty minutes long and requires no food or drink, we think maybe they can handle it. If they get it right, we’ll become husband and wife at the midpoint of the mountain on an outdoor patio, fully walled in by glass. Our guests will have a 365-degree view of the entire mountain range, covered in snow, while basking in eighty-degree weather on our platform. The “catering manager” (and I use that term like “Santa Claus,” because that’s about how realistic a manager she was) is required only to turn the gondola on when my guests arrive, have 150 chairs available for my siblings and wedding party to set up the morning of the event, and have someone ready to push PLAY two times for music. Seems plausible even for a stoner pretending to know how to run an event, right?

Probably not for a bride who is obsessive about paint in a threeroom condominium, though! Can you imagine how meticulous I’m going to be about a wedding I’ve waited until I was thirty-six years old to plan? So, to keep the control freak within me from freaking, I ask the best producer I know if I can pay her rate for the weekend to “produce” my wedding. She will be the director of the day, whom I will give a notebook to—detailing every fifteen minutes of all events from Friday to Sunday—along with a staff of production assistants from my television show, FBI-grade walkie-talkies that they can use to communicate with each other, four party buses and union drivers, all at her disposal to corral my guests. I’m also giving this producer all of my incredibly capable Irish relatives, who are the very definition of hardworking. She will have ten people available to her, alongside the five assistants, before every event to set up anything they need. Yes, controlling people are annoying—unless they’re really, really organized. Or at least that’s what I’m telling myself.

No sweat! says the bride-to-be.

And really, I thought we could handle this. I know how to party and Seung knows how to wrangle. And unlike what we saw in both our parents’ marriages, we have an active interest in learning how to communicate with each other. So after our first fight about wedding logistics, I go out and buy two clown masks. From that point forward, anytime we discuss the wedding, we each have to wear a big red nose, huge ears, and a comb-over toupee. This never allows us to take ourselves too seriously when planning what is really just going to be an epic party.

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