In Safe Arms by Ann Grech

Author:Ann Grech [Grech, Ann]
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: 9781925853711
Publisher: Hot Tree Publishing
Published: 2019-09-20T18:30:00+00:00

It’d been six weeks since the session with Trent, and I’d finally managed to edit the images I’d taken of him. The author I’d done the job for had picked one of the first shots I’d taken, and it was currently being made into a cover. I was looking forward to seeing the finished product, but in the meantime, I wanted Trent to have the others. I wanted him to see what I saw: his beauty, both inside and out.

Awkwardness had pervaded our interactions since the photoshoot. That was on me. He was trying to get me to talk, to get me to go back to being the friend who’d always been and always would be there for him. Something had changed in our interactions since the session, though—me. I’d always sworn friendship would be enough, and it would be—it was—but getting the picture of him rolling his hips and rubbing himself against my bed out of my head was harder than I’d ever imagined. I’d loved him for so long that the sight of him letting go and being so sensual had flipped a switch in my head, and I hadn’t yet found where the mute button was. The smell of him on my sheets had lingered for days afterward, and that had only served to make the highlights reel replay in my head even more. I’d relived those moments while imagining what I’d really wanted to do with him so many times that I couldn’t count. I’d jacked off every time too. I was liberated, free to explore my attraction to him, even if it was a freedom that only existed in my head. That freedom was terrifying too, and hopeless. I wanted him, but having him was impossible and going back to our pre-photoshoot selves was taking a bit of adjustment. I’d had a taste of an experience with him and now had to live with the knowledge that for him it was just a few photos. The attraction, the lust, it was all one-sided.

Seeing him every day, and especially when I was still floating around in a cloud of post-orgasmic bliss where I’d jacked off to mental images of him, brought me back to reality with a resounding thud. Guilt slammed into me, knowing that I’d been dreaming up all the ways I could love on my best friend without him even knowing I was lusting after him. I felt like I was betraying him. I second-guessed every interaction we’d had too, questioning whether they were for his benefit or mine. Had I tricked him into my bed that night? Would he feel used if he knew the part of me I’d kept on lockdown? Had I asked him to do the photoshoot so I could lewdly stare at him, instead of what I’d told myself—that I wanted him to see what I saw?

I knew he thought he’d done something wrong, but I was having trouble working through the quagmire of my thoughts. My libido wasn’t helping things either.

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