I'll Be Watching You by M. William Phelps

Author:M. William Phelps [Phelps, M. William]
Language: eng
Format: epub, mobi
Tags: Non-Fiction, non fiction, True Crime
ISBN: 0786019301
Google: pqDiAgAAQBAJ
Amazon: B003UN6Z80
Goodreads: 2855068
Publisher: Pinnacle
Published: 2008-07-01T05:00:00+00:00

III

Ned woke up late on October 15. He sat in bed for a while, thinking.

Today is the day.

His parents were upstairs, either sitting at the kitchen table reading the morning paper, or lounging around in the living room doing crossword puzzles, watching television. They loved to bury their minds deep into the world of questions and letters. Perhaps it made everything else go away.

It had been a week since Ned had made the decision to kill himself. At 11:00 A.M., he got out of bed and sat down at his desk. By 11:20, he was writing.

He explained that he had “kept calm” because he had made the decision to go through with it. Doing it had given him back a sense of control over his life. He had spent the past several days in bed, covers over his face, curtains on the little box basement windows drawn so what little sun that managed to sneak into the basement was shaded. He liked it that way: dark. He felt he was ready to “go” now. Eternal sleep sounded like a “good idea” to him.

Ned told his parents that if they were to sit down and talk about it as a whole, his legacy could be boiled down to a series of what-ifs and could have beens. And next, for the first time in what had turned into a three-day suicide manifesto, Ned wrote there was a missing persons case in Hartford that would be causing him more problems in the coming months and years. He warned his parents that the Hartford PD would be in touch sooner or later. He was supposedly—a fact that had been indisputably proven by the time he wrote the note—one of the last people to have seen Carmen something-or-other—he knew darn well what her last name was—on the night she disappeared. He then launched into details that could arguably be viewed as some sort of alibi he was trying to set in place for himself, making his parents aware of those “facts” he wanted them to know. I gave her a ride from Kenney’s…to the Shell Station two blocks from Capitol Avenue, he mentioned. Carmen, Ned further explained, referring to her as this girl, had reportedly…not been seen since.

He didn’t want to go through this again, he wrote, no doubt referring to what had happened in New Jersey. Even worse, he didn’t want to have to see his parents go through it all again. It’s best, he wrote, that I just end it now. He was sorry for leaving the family holding the bag…. I have no answers for the police.

Ending the letter, he said he appreciated all the help his parents had given him since his release from prison. I do love you both…. And then he took a handful of pills and, comfortably numb, lay down and went to sleep.

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