Hi, This Is Conchita by Santiago Roncagliolo

Author:Santiago Roncagliolo
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: 9781931883320
Publisher: Two Lines Press
Published: 2017-08-28T00:00:00+00:00

(415) 496–6642

5:34 PM

— Hello, this is Esmeralda. I can’t come to the phone right now, but leave your message and your number after the tone and I’ll get back to you as soon as I can. Ciao.

— Hello, it’s me again…I only wanted to remind you that…well, that I’ll leave you a key at my neighbor’s in case you want…I mean, ummm, it makes no sense because you won’t stop me, right? But it’s always good…you know…Bye. Goodbye…forever, yeah…Goodbye.

(415) 937-0353

7:31 PM

— Welcome to our customer service center. If you need information about any of our products, press 1. To find out about bills and fees, press 2. If y…

2

— One moment please. We’re here to serve you better. Taaaa-ta-ta-taaaa-ta-ta-ta-ta-ra-ra-raaaa-tiiiii-ti-ti-tiiii-taa-ra-ra-ra-ra-ra-ta-ra-ra-taaaa-ta-ta-ta-raaaa-tu-ri-rutaaaa-ta-ta-taaaa-ta-ta-ta-ta-ra-ra-raaaa-tiiiii-ti-ti-tiiii-taa-ra-ra-ra-ra-ra-ta-ra-ra-taaaa-ta-ta-ta-raaaa-tu-ri-ru-taaaata-ta-taaaa-ta-ta-ta-ta-ra-ra-raaaa-tiiiii-ti-ti-tiiii-taa-ra-ra-ra-ra-ra-ta-ra-ra-taaaa-ta-ta-ta-raaaa-tu-ri-ru-taaaa-ta-tataaaa-ta-ta-ta-ta-ra-ra-raaaa-tiiiii-ti-ti-tiiii-taa-ra-ra-ra-ra-ra-ta-ra-ra-taaaa-ta-ta-ta-raaaa-tu-ri-ru-taaaa-ta-ta-taaaata-ta-ta-ta-ra-ra-raaaa-tiiiii-ti-ti-tiiii-taa-ra-ra-ra-ra-ra-tara-ra-taaaa-ta-ta-ta-raaaa-tu-ri-ru This is Remi. How may I help you?

— I’d like to speak with the sales representative Jorge, please.

— One moment please. We’re here to serve you better. Taaaa-ta-ta-taaaa-ta-ta-ta-ta-ra-ra-raaaa-tiiiii-ti-ti-tiiii-taa-ra-ra-ra-ra-ra-ta-ra-ra-taaaa-ta-ta-ta-raaaa-turi-ru-taaaa-ta-ta-taaaa-ta-ta-ta-ta-ra-ra-raaaa-tiiiii-ti-titiiii-taaa-ra-ra-ra-ra-ra-ta-ra-ra-taaaa-ta-ta-ta-raaaa-tu-ri-ru-taaaa-ta-ta-taaaa-ta-ta-ta-ta-ra-ra-raaa-tiiiii-ti-ti-tiiiitaa-ra-ra-ra-ra-ra-ta-ra-ra-taaaa-ta-ta-ta-raaaa-tu-ri-rutaaaa-ta-ta-taaaa-ta-ta-ta-ta-ra-ra-raaaa-tiiiii-ti-ti-tiiii-taara-ra-ra-ra-ra-ta-ra-ra-taaaa-ta-ta-ta-raaaa-turi-ru-taaaata-ta-taaaa-ta-ta-ta-ta-ra-ra-raaaa-tiiiii-ti-ti-tiiii-taaa-ra-ra-ra-ra-ra-ta-ra-ra-taaaa-ta-ta-ta-raaaa-tu-ri-ru- This is Jorge. How can I help you?

— This is Godínez. X-3459362-Y.

— How can I help you, Señor Godínez?

— Do you like your job, Jorge?

— Excuse me?

— Do you like your job?

— I’m sorry, sir. This is the customer…

— …“service center,” I know. I’m a customer and need some service. I need to know if you like your job…

— Well…yes?

— Your office is all right?

— I have a coffee machine.

— A coffee machine, right.

— And a green file cabinet.

— Aha.

— And that’s all, sir.

— That’s all. Well I want you to know, Jorge, I want you to know that I’m going to kill you.

— Oh.

— I’m going to dig out your eyes with two spoons…

— Could you repeat your…

— And then I’m going to skin you with a razor.

— …your ID number, sir?

— So say goodbye to your fucking office, imbecile, because I’m going to…

— Your ID numb…

— …I’m going to eat your guts, do you hear me? …You hear me?

— Perfectly, sir.

— I’ll dance on your grave, Jorge.

— I don’t understand…

— I hope you die.

— Do you need assistance? You’re a customer and this…

— Fuck you, Jorge.

— Delighted to be of service, sir.

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