Her Cowboy by Kat Catesby

Author:Kat Catesby [Catesby, Kat]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Kat Catesby Publications
Published: 2019-09-21T16:00:00+00:00

Chapter Twelve

Katie

I rush to my car and drive to Maddie’s as fast as is legally possible. For a BFF she seems remarkably irritated to see me.

“Let me get this straight,” she sounds like a schoolteacher, “he professed his love for you and you ran away? Like a coward?”

“Hey! That’ not fair.”

“You’re right. It’s not fair…on him. I love you Katie, but I won’t stand by and enable your bullshit and watch you screw up the best thing in your life. You get that right? Tell me you know you made the wrong choice here. Tell me you’re not so completely wrapped up in your own crap that you can’t see the damage you’ve just done to the both of you? I know you were thrown for a loop after Detective Jones dropped by and that it brought some scary as shit memories to the forefront but you didn’t even tell Ash, did you? You didn’t give him a chance to help you. Instead, you hurt him and yourself.”

I try to hold it in but this is why she’s my girl after all. She can call it as she sees it…and what she sees is my bullshit. I start to cry. Big, fat, ugly tears. The kind that makes your face completely wet, red and blotchy. I know the truth and I’m terrified I’ve just fucked everything up but I just didn’t know what else to do at that moment. The words I wanted to say were stuck in my throat. The ‘I love you’ I so desperately wanted to say was trapped behind the bile that was rising at the thought of truly letting my guard down and trusting him…even though I already do, I just have a problem admitting it. And Maddie’s right; I didn’t even explain why I’m such a fucking mess. I’m not liking the lack of control I currently have over myself.

Surely Ash would be better off with someone else?

“I know. I…I love him and I’m scared. I’m scared and I don’t know how to fix it and make it so that I’m not. I’m scared that David is out there and I’m scared that he will never be just a memory that I can shut down and forget about.”

“Of course, you’re scared sweetie,” she says and holds me tight in a bone-crushing hug. “Big love is a big deal. Allowing yourself to be that vulnerable with someone, giving them your heart – especially after what you suffered – is a big fucking deal, but you’re ready. Don’t underestimate the progress you made. Don’t let one conversation with a detective take that away from you. They’re handling the David situation so it’s out of our hands and we have to trust them to do their jobs. You’ve come so far sweetie, so let’s help you go a little further. Let’s break it down and come at this bit by bit.”

“Okay,” I sniff miserably.

“He loves you?”

“Yes.”

“You love him?”

“Yes,” I don’t even hesitate.

“Do you trust him?” I take a deep breath and consider this.

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