Fragile Lies by Elliot Laura

Author:Elliot, Laura [Elliot, Laura]
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: 9781909490796
Publisher: Bookouture
Published: 2015-02-12T18:30:00+00:00

Twenty-nine

Killian

Black horses on the ocean. Riding through the waves. The sea sings, drum-beat engines, fog horns call. The lighthouse flares the rocks. He watches the lady. Daisies in her eyes. And in the moon, Bozo tumbling.

* * *

See where you’re going, Ferryman. This road only has one signpost. I was your age once. The world in my hands. I flung it into an empty bottle.

Where’s your stammer, Bozo? Where’s your big fat red nose?

Left them on the shore. Stop asking stupid questions and go home to your family, you squandering, reckless boy. Don’t you know where you’re heading? One road, one signpost. Fuck off out of my sight. I want to sing with the angels.

Shady Lady, take me away. Smother me. Mother me.

I’ll be waiting for you, Killian. We’ve all the time in the great beyond. But my arms can’t hold you yet.

Why did you leave Michael? Why did you make him sad?

I reached too soon for heaven. I squandered the daisy days.

Stay … Shady … stay … stay …

Killian, I’m here beside you. Keep breathing, please keep breathing. Don’t leave us now. Not when you’ve endured so much. Feel my hand. Hold it tight. Jean rang. She said hurry … hurry. Pneumonia. They warned us it could happen. I scorched the miles from Trabawn, sparks on the road. I fought with my mother every inch of the way.

“Leave him with me,” I yelled. “Get off your fucking cloud and take a look below. What the hell do you think you’re doing? Why aren’t you watching out for me the way a proper mother should? Open your bruised eyes and see my son. He’s not ready, not near ready to go to you yet.”

How I raged, Killian. Right on the chin, I gave it to her. I told her what it was like to be without a mother and a father who passed like a ship through my nights. I demanded from her, temper tantrums, kicking, screaming, the way I never could when I was a child. I demanded your life in exchange for my anger. When I came here I was punch drunk, reeling.

Jean said, “You were praying,” and I laughed at the notion, even though there’s no room for laughter tonight. She’s drifted off to sleep on the chair beside your bed. Terence has gone to the kitchen to make tea and see if he can scrounge some biscuits. He loves you as much as I do. Love has no divisions. It’s a river, an effortless flowing river. Flow with it, Killian. Let it carry you back to us.

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