Fall by Colin McAdam

Author:Colin McAdam
Language: eng
Format: mobi, epub
Tags: General, Fiction
ISBN: 9780099535461
Publisher: Vintage
Published: 2010-09-15T07:00:00+00:00

I remember raging and not knowing why. The why never stops the rage. I was picking up gravel and frantic in the cold, punching at nothing, and knowing I had to change everything. “I’m sure he’ll come and find you,” I said.

I threw her crutches into the river and ran up the hill to change things.

2

THIS SHIRT LOOKS good on me.

I’ve eaten beef and milk.

I’ll light a candle in the sunroom.

I don’t know where they are.

Marie-Claude.

Jool.

I need a candle.

For what.

For a candle.

I get you dat. What collar.

Red. White. I don’t know.

I love her. There’s nothing but love in her fat.

I’m excited more than nervous and I feel like barfing.

I give you tree.

Three’s great.

Her fingers are fat.

A friend’s coming over I say.

Bon she says.

Night I say.

Bon nuit Monsieur Jool.

Ok I say.

There’s a stranger in every corner in the dark where these lamps don’t reach but the house is mine and we’ll close the sunroom door. She’s quiet when we fuck but it’s not my fault. All these lamps and golden circles on the floor and roof and the week’s so swollen it’s nine on a Friday night.

Eight fifty-four.

Six more minutes and I’ll let her in the gate.

Shoes.

Teeth.

Hair.

Piss.

Still some beef in the teeth.

Coat.

Fuck the gloves.

Fuck it’s cold.

The driveway’s long in winter.

RCMP.

Maybe she’s here.

Hi.

Sir.

You must be cold standing here.

The heater in my booth’s ok.

Nice. I have a friend coming.

Yes sir.

I don’t know what to say. I have nothing to say about that or them or anything.

That may be your friend sir.

She’s thin and shy in that coat and I can see her breath. That’s her I say.

I wave.

She waves. She’s smiling.

Hi.

Hi.

Thanks man.

Sir. Ma’am.

Thanks.

I keep my distance.

Your teeth are perfect I’m saying. There’s that tiny gap down low on the side, I want to kiss it.

You will.

We’re walking apart.

Maybe it’ll snow she says.

I love your smile.

I love yours.

We’re smiling up to the house.

Mmm she says. It’s warm in here.

Yeah. Here.

I take her cold coat and her neck’s warm on my fingers.

I hang her cold coat.

She’s gorgeous.

I look at her necklace.

We hug.

We kiss.

It’s a soft one.

We’re hugging.

I love her.

Hm she says.

Her eyes are closed and she licks her lips.

I turn off the light in the hall.

We’re not strangers.

Do you want anything.

No thanks.

Marie-Claude’s gone to bed.

Has she.

Everyone’s gone.

I tell her that so she’ll be comfortable.

I’m telling you that so you’ll be comfortable.

I know.

We hug.

She smells so good.

I’ve been thinking about you she says.

Have you.

Mmh hmm.

What about.

Secret things.

I kiss her smile.

Her lips are tight. I’m thinking she doesn’t want to kiss.

She opens her mouth.

She wants to kiss.

Her tongue’s so soft and wet and hard and warm and cold. I kiss her lips and say Inside your mouth it’s like everything good that can’t be together.

Hm.

I kiss her lips.

We press our foreheads together and do the eye thing, hers are one and mine must be one so four becomes two and that’s algebra.

I love your eyes she says.

I love yours I say. They’re so beautiful. They’re green for fuck’s sakes I say and I pick her up and she’s mine.

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