Eve of Man by Giovanna Fletcher

Author:Giovanna Fletcher
Language: eng
Format: mobi, epub
Publisher: Penguin Books Ltd
Published: 2021-07-25T16:00:00+00:00

31

Eve

I’ve been sitting behind open books, staring into the air in front of my face for hours. Not reading. Not writing. Sometimes not even listening. I’ve been present and absent at the same time. English, French, Spanish and biology, it’s all gone by in a hazy blur of nothing.

At lunchtime I sit in the middle of my allotment and do nothing but pretend I can see the flowers bloom and flourish before my eyes – my mind speeding up their lengthy process of development. Mother Kimberley comes to offer me food – a sandwich, I think – but I decline. I say decline, but really I just ignore her while my eyes remain fixed on the tightly closed bud of a rose. She soon sighs heavily and leaves me to it.

Sitting in mathematics with Mother Juliet and I-concur Holly, I haven’t a clue what puzzle they’re trying to solve, their voices nothing more than buzzing to my ears. Even if I wanted to, I’d be unable to make out the words they’re exchanging or give them any meaning. They wash over me. They are unimportant and futile, given the turn my life has taken lately. I don’t understand why they want me to learn all this nonsense anyway, or where they expect me to put Pythagoras’ Theorem to practical use.

I’ve always known there was a plan for my life, a scheduled set of events to be followed to ensure the desired outcome, but ever since that plan came into action with Potential Number One, Connor, my life has started to unravel more than I could ever have feared or predicted. I feel as if everything I ever knew will never be the same again, or that everything I thought I knew I never did.

A large part of that stemmed from the death of Mother Nina, but recent events have forced things to spiral even further away from my past beliefs and ideals. I don’t feel like the girl I was the day I turned sixteen, or when I met Connor. I don’t even feel like the girl who helplessly watched her friend be murdered or who kissed her virtual lover.

I’m starting to discover who I really am or what I could be. I’ve always thought of myself becoming good enough to fulfil their version of who I should be, but now I don’t know if their opinions really matter.

In my empowered mental state, I sit thinking about many things. At some point I linger on the wonder of that kiss and how my first experience of a true connection was literally unplugged. It doesn’t surprise me that I have returned to thinking of Holly and how much I miss Bram. That relationship was one of many catalysts that have spurred my change in drive.

I wonder what he’s doing and if he’s thinking about me at all. My every fibre tells me he is. He must be. I can’t be imagining the spark between us. It’s beyond anything I could’ve fabricated.

I haven’t found myself thinking of food, not in the same way as I did before.

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