Crossing by Pajtim Statovci

Author:Pajtim Statovci [Statovci, Pajtim]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Knopf Doubleday Publishing Group
Published: 2019-04-01T16:00:00+00:00

* * *

I tell Maria I’m leaving. Where? she asks, a note of irritation in her voice, and at first I imagine it must be because it will be tough for her to find another reliable tenant. I don’t know, I answer. Something happened, I’ve got to go, I can’t stay here any longer, I say, and at this she bursts into tears.

Please don’t leave, she begs me, and it dawns on me that not a single person has visited the apartment since I moved in. You’re like a child to me, she continues, pulling a tissue out of her pocket and wiping her teary eyes. I don’t want you to go, and I pity her so much that I want to say All right then, I’ll stay, but instead I tell her that coming here was a mistake, I’m so fucking stupid, I wish I’d never come here, I wish I didn’t exist at all, and the words come from somewhere so deep within me that I turn my back, walk out of the room, and slam the door.

I sit on my bed for several hours and sob. I try to think about what to do next, where to go, but for a long while not a single thought crosses my mind.

Eventually my eye catches on the spine of a book that Maria gave me, a book about Finland.

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