Becoming Andy Hunsinger by Jere' M. Fishback

Author:Jere' M. Fishback [Fishback, Jere' M.]
Language: eng
Format: epub, mobi
Goodreads: 24235373
Publisher: Torquere Press
Published: 2014-12-30T00:00:00+00:00

CHAPTER THIRTEEN

My experience with Dexter -- his casual lying, and his exposure of my deep-seated neediness -- made something crumple inside my head. A pall of self-loathing settled over me, and I quickly embarked on a course of self-abuse. I drank alcohol every night ‘til I felt numb. I took tranquilizers and smoked marijuana. I even quit going to the track to run with Biff Schultz and his roomies, making the dumbest of excuses, time after time, for my nonappearance. I’d already completed my graduation requirements, so I didn’t really care about my school performance; I skipped most of my classes in fact. But my work at Capital City suffered.

“You look like hell,” Bucky Buchholtz told me on a Sunday morning, when I showed up for work an hour late with a head-pounding hangover. “Go home and take a nap.”

While I pedaled my bike home, I shook my head. I knew I wasn’t treating myself well, but why take care of myself? Why worry about my future? I was a pitiful excuse for a queer, a guy who couldn’t find a boyfriend to save his life. Who wanted me?

Nobody, it seemed.

In the past, I had sometimes fantasized about sadomasochism. I owned a few porn magazines with photos of men wearing leather vests and chaps, some of them restrained and gagged. Stories appeared in the pages of these magazines, tales of bondage, of rough sex and verbal abuse. The material had stirred my curiosity, and now, as I dwelt in the depths of self-hatred, I considered experimenting with S & M.

How would I feel if I groveled before another man, if he treated me like an animal, and I submitted to his will completely? Maybe a dose of abuse was just what I needed. Maybe I could find a guy who’d treat me like the undesirable faggot I was. Maybe I’d like rough treatment. Why not find out?

A guy named Ray frequented The Gate. Tall and sinewy, maybe thirty-five, he always wore blue jeans and a leather vest. His buzz-cut hair, dark eyes, and tattooed forearms, gave him an ominous look, one I found intriguing. Word had it he roughed up his tricks, before and during sex. But details were sketchy on just how cruel Ray could be.

On a Friday night, after I’d guzzled two bottles of Budweiser, I introduced myself to Ray. He sat on a barstool with the soles of his work boots resting on the stringers. He nursed a glass of beer. His Winston cigarettes and plastic lighter sat next to him on the bar. The glow from an illuminated beer sign reflected in dark stubble peppering Ray’s face. His white T-shirt had yellow stains in the armpits, and his blue jeans were ripped open at one knee. When we shook hands, his calloused palm rasped against mine like sandpaper.

I tried making conversation by talking about school for a minute or two, while Ray listened with a bored expression on his face. Then, when I asked about his work, he answered in a gravelly drawl.

Download

Copyright Disclaimer:
This site does not store any files on its server. We only index and link to content provided by other sites. Please contact the content providers to delete copyright contents if any and email us, we'll remove relevant links or contents immediately.