Banger Challenge by Ofelia Gränd

Author:Ofelia Gränd [Gränd, Ofelia]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Published: 2020-07-27T00:00:00+00:00

Chapter 8

Fred’s lungs were shrinking. He hadn’t meant to say all those things, wasn’t sure he’d meant them. It was just: his mother had always told him he was in the way; that he was the reason she couldn’t do things, the reason she hadn’t become something extraordinary. She’d always blamed him for everything going wrong in the world, and Fred had always figured she was right, that it was best if he stayed out of other people’s lives.

The more he’d talked to Natasha, his therapist, the more he’d come to realize his view of himself and the world might not always be correct. She’d put things into perspective, had questioned his truths, and pushed him into doing so too. It wasn’t always easy. He hadn’t always liked talking to her, but it had helped him. He had developed, had become better, or he tried to at least.

What would Natasha have to say about him going on a junk car race with a stranger? Perhaps he should call her, book an appointment for when they came back? Or not.

“What are you thinking?”

Zen’s voice yanked him back to the car. “Nothing.”

“Sure you were, you looked…troubled.”

“It’s just—” He shrugged. “—the things we grow up thinking are true, aren’t always.”

“No.”

“And maybe…it’s possible to change.”

The quick look Zen sent him was followed by a frown. “Why would you want to change?”

Fatigue spread in his body, the light, bubbly feeling from when they’d packed up earlier was gone. “It’s exhausting being me.”

Zen’s wide-eyed stare made him flinch.

“It’s just, I fret over everything. Even now, after having spent this many hours with you, I’m turning the words I’ve said around in my head, convinced you’ll think I’m a total imbecile.”

“Never! I like you just the way you are, Fred.”

“But you don’t hear the constant monologue going on in my head, you have no idea how screwed up I really am.”

Zen laughed, not what Fred had expected.

“Babe, we all have monologues going on in our heads, and we’re all having less than sane ideas.”

Fred doubted anyone agonized as much over what they did or said as he did.

“Just say what pops up in your head, I won’t judge you.” Zen winked at him.

“It’s not that easy.”

“Perhaps not, but here in this car, it’s only the two of us, so no one will care what you say.”

Zen would. If Fred voiced every worry, Zen would soon grow tired of him.

He wished he had a jigsaw, he needed to put some pieces together, needed to create some kind of order.

“Coffee?”

“What?”

“There’s a village coming up, I’m sure we can find a place that serves coffee.”

Fred gave him a quick smile. “That would be lovely.”

Zen parked close to a gas station before pointing at a green sign with rusty stains proclaiming there was in fact a café in the house.

Fred’s heart was drumming as they got out of the car and walked toward the door. When Zen touched the small of his back, he jumped. It might have been hurt flashing in Zen’s eyes as he increased the distance between them, but if it was, he was quick to hide it.

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