Acts of Contrition by Handford Jennifer

Author:Handford, Jennifer [Handford, Jennifer]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Lake Union Publishing
Published: 2014-04-15T07:00:00+00:00

CHAPTER SIXTEEN

The Pains of Hell

TOM

I HOP ON I-66 HEADED west. I pull in enough air to fill a basketball, push against the steering wheel, and watch the tendons in my forearm pop. I ball my lacerated hand into a fist and pound it down onto the center console—the compartment between my seat and the passenger’s. I hear it crack, feel the gash on my hand bust open again. Damn it, it’s going to cost a bundle to get that thing replaced. “Screw it,” I say, furious at myself for worrying about being responsible at a time like this. Since I already broke it, I punch it again. And again. I gun the engine, grit my teeth. A deer is nibbling grass on the side of the road. It looks up at me and flinches a bit. Stay, I warn it, because right now it is looking an awful lot like Landon James—and Mary, for that matter.

There’s no other way to describe it. I’m filled with hate. Hate. For my wife, for the mother of my children. At this moment I hate her and want only one thing: to make her hurt as badly as she has made me hurt. Pure vengeance. She is anathema to everything I believe in. Landon James? Hell, I’d knock his lights out with a quick right jab. He’d feel the crack of his jaw a split second before he was on the ropes, then flat on his ass. But I don’t feel hate for him like I feel for Mary. Landon James is disposable, inconsequential in so many ways. But Mary, God, Mary. She broke my heart.

All these years I’ve known there was something up, something I couldn’t quite put my finger on. I always felt like I was second string when it came to Mary and Landon James, but I just thought it had to do with the two of them: lingering feelings, a shared past, a decade spent together that couldn’t easily be erased. But no, there was more. There was a secret. A roll in the hay right before our wedding.

And Sally, dear God, Sally. My girl, who everyone says looks like me! Our hair, it’s the same color, the same texture. And she’s so competitive, so athletic and determined. I thought she got all that from me, but she didn’t get anything from me. I’m nothing to her.

I look at the speedometer. I’m pushing 90 mph. If I get stopped, the cop will check my blood-alcohol content. Who knows what it would register. Maybe I’d get thrown in jail. Maybe I could make a case for rehab. Patrick and I could room together. He could teach me how to say “screw you” to a responsible life. We’d spend our days in the rec room, shooting hoops. Then we’d take turns talking to the shrink. I’d tell her how my wife is a cheating, lying whore who ruined my life. She’d listen and nod and offer me a tissue. Later, Patrick and

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