A Word for Love by Emily Robbins

Author:Emily Robbins
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Penguin Publishing Group
Published: 2016-12-08T15:38:23+00:00

THAT NIGHT, I helped Nisrine put Dounia to bed, and our rituals seemed very sweet because we had almost lost them. Nisrine took Dounia’s hands, I took her feet to swing her, in fun.

We peeked through the curtains into crocheted shadows of streetlights.

Nisrine said, “Bea, I have a problem.”

I knew this. I could tell by the way she held herself, and Madame held herself, that in our house, there was a problem. I had felt this problem coming for some time, but I was still trying not to have the knowledge. I tried to live in the sweet moment.

“I don’t know how to stay here. Mama no longer wants me.”

“It will get better.”

She had a contract and a child, and her father’s honor: We only work where we are wanted. In a strange country, what are we without our honor?

“You’ve been trying, you just have to try harder.”

But, I could see a faraway look in her eyes.

Nisrine said, “Do you think if I went to a new house, I could still see you and Dounia and Adel?” I did not think so, I did not like the idea of a new house.

Of course, Nisrine didn’t think so either. She sighed, looked at me worried that she might leave, and for a moment, we felt all the differences between us. I had grown up in a world in which, when things got bad enough, you could leave, you had that choice; in which I expected challenges, not hardship.

Nisrine had seen each member of her family live a full life, yet still work jobs they would not have chosen, like she worked in a job she would not have chosen. I had chosen to be here. For a moment, this fact alone threatened to overwhelm us.

Then, she smiled. “Don’t worry, Bea. I can’t leave unless they let me.”

Which was not completely true, but it relieved me. She said, “But my honor.”

• • •

Once, a long time ago, Nisrine had taken my hand and put it over hers, to feel her heart. Now, I took Nisrine’s hand and put it over mine, over my chest. She knew what I was doing. She felt for its beat.

“My, Bea, it’s a strong one! Who’s your lover?” Joking.

But, I had no lover. I was a young woman, alone, with love all around me; with Nisrine, and Baba’s family for company. They did this. They had grown this.

“Try, Nisrine. Try a little more. We’ll try together.” Her hand on my heart. “This is where you are,” I said.

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