A Secret Gay Passion by Julian Black

Author:Julian Black [BLACK, JULIAN]
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: 9781467879606
Publisher: AuthorHouse UK
Published: 2011-12-05T00:00:00+00:00

Telling My Father

When I got home, Mum was watching TV.

‘Hi, Nick,’ she said, ‘it’s been a big day for you. I’m so happy that you’ve come out and that I’ve met Richard as well. He’s great for you, and he’ll look after my boy.’

‘I love him, mum,’ I said.

‘I know you do,’ she replied, ‘and I know he’ll be a tower of strength for you going through all of this.’

My mum then shocked me by saying, ‘Nick, I’ve told your father and brothers.’

‘What?’ I exclaimed.

‘You were never going to be strong enough to tell your father, so I did it for you,’ she said. ‘He’s my husband and the father of my five boys. I had to tell him. You told me, so it shows you wanted to get the ball rolling.’

I turned white. In a way I was happy he knew, but in another I was panicked. Telling my mother was hard, but it turned out that she knew anyway. My father did not suspect me at all of being gay, and that scared me. I also knew that they would all be drunk when they came home that night, and they would probably be more drunk for having heard this.

‘How did he take it?’ I asked.

‘Well, your father’s devastated,’ she said. ‘I can’t lie to you, but you’re our son, so just give him time. They will all come around in the end and support you.’

‘Will they, though,’ I wondered, ‘or will I lose them?’

I went to bed, but Mum asked me for one favour before I went.

‘Can I have a hug from my favourite son?’

I went over and hugged her. She whispered in my ear, ‘You’re going to be all right. Me and Richard will make sure of it.’

‘Thanks, Mum,’ I said, and I went to bed.

That night I lay in bed thinking, ‘Today has been one of the biggest days of my life.’ I fell asleep in my own bed in my own bedroom.

At 11.30 I was awakened by my father and brothers slamming the door and making a lot of noise. The next thing I knew, my father was shouting up the stairs.

‘Nicky, get down here now, you fucking homosexual gay boy!’

I could hear my brothers saying, ‘Our Nicky a fucking bender! Why? Why?’

I froze in my bed, my body sweating cold with fear. I wanted to be transported to another world like a character on Star Trek. My mouth was dry, my face white and colourless, and my heart pounding out of my chest—the symptoms of fear, horrible fear! I could feel myself hyperventilate and found it hard to breathe. I knew the only ones in the house who could protect me now were my mother and me.

I got out of bed, and, knowing that all hell was about to break loose, I went downstairs to find my mother in tears. My body was trembling, and my head was shaking with nerves. My mother was shouting at my father to go to bed. My father pushed my mother into the chair.

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