A Mother's Goodbye_A gripping emotional page turner about adoption and a mother's love by Kate Hewitt

Author:Kate Hewitt [Hewitt, Kate]
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: 9781786814210
Publisher: Bookouture
Published: 2018-06-13T05:00:00+00:00

Sixteen

HEATHER

I don’t tell Kevin or the girls about Grace’s request to halt Isaac’s visits. Not right away, at least, mainly because I’m just trying to absorb it myself, but also because I’m scared. I don’t want to hear what they think. Not, at least, until I know what I’m going to do.

I end up telling Stacy, because while it’s not always easy to hear her plain-speaking advice, she’s sensible and she’s on my side. At least, she’s not on Grace’s side. She’s never been bowled over by Grace’s glamour, not like the girls were when they were little, trying on her lipsticks and touching the buttery-soft leather of her bag. Kevin, of course, has never liked Grace; in fact, he’s liked her less and less as the years have gone on.

As for me… every time she talked about my son in those first few weeks, it took everything I had not to ball my hands into fists and scream at her to give him back to me. I certainly thought about it many times. I envisioned it, almost relished the look of shock and despair I knew I’d see on her face. I pictured plucking my baby out of her arms, as easy as that. It was my right. For six whole weeks, it was my right.

Of course nothing is ever that simple. The night before I signed the papers, I asked the nurse to bring Isaac to me. She resisted, because he was still in the NICU, but I just wanted a few minutes with my child, and she knew about the adoption.

So she wheeled him in, and I held my son for the first and last time. I cradled him like a football, his head resting against my knees. He blinked up at me, scrawny and frog-like and so very beautiful. I stroked his petal-soft skin, I traced his faint eyebrows, the bow curve of his little lips. I memorized him, imprinted him on me.

‘I love you,’ I whispered, so only he could hear. ‘I love you. That’s why I am doing this. I hope you realize that one day. I hope you understand it.’ He began to squirm, and I hefted him gently; he was so very light. ‘You’re going to have a good life,’ I told him. ‘A happy life. And I’ll still see you. You won’t forget me.’ I kissed him then, and I put him back in the bassinet, and the nurse wheeled him away while my cracked heart broke in pieces all around me.

The next morning I signed the papers, and then I left the hospital, and it felt as if someone had just snipped the strings that had been holding me up. I went back home, surrounded by Kev and the girls, everyone needing me in different ways; I wanted to fill up my hours taking care of them, but I was so tired and I felt as if I were viewing the world through a cloudy haze. I stayed in bed, letting the world unravel around me, for as long as I could.

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