4d6 (Caverns and Creatures) by Robert Bevan

Author:Robert Bevan
Language: eng
Format: azw3, epub
Publisher: Robert Bevan
Published: 2016-08-23T23:00:00+00:00

*

“Hello?” a voice echoed from some distance away. Cooper’s voice.

Julian opened his eyes, but it did him no good. He was engulfed in complete darkness. The floor he lay on was rough damp stone. It felt slimy on his fingertips.

“Hello?” Cooper said again. “Come on, man. Talk to me!”

Shit.

“Are you alive or not?”

Shit shit.

“I swear to God, if you don’t speak to me, I’m going to take a dump in your head.”

What?

“Cooper?” Julian called out.

“Julian?”

“Who are you talking to?”

“The bucket in my cell.”

“Oh.” That raised a number of questions in Julian’s mind, but the most prominent was, “Why?”

“Common courtesy,” said Cooper. “I don’t want to shit in it if it’s magically alive, do I?”

That made more sense than Julian was anticipating. “You’re a good man, Cooper.”

Though Julian knew in his mind and in his heart what the following sounds and smells were, he tried to convince himself that it was just a forty-year-old can of spray cheese. If that bucket was alive, it must have a hell of a Willpower Save.

“Jesus Christ!” shouted Tim from Julian’s left. “What the fuck is that?”

“I think that blueberry wine was laced with something,” said Cooper. “It’s giving me the runs.”

“Where are you? Specifically, I mean. And more general, where the hell are –” CLANG “Son of a bitch!”

“We’re in some kind of dungeon,” said Cooper. “Our cell doors are locked.”

“Thanks, Cooper,” said Tim. “I just found that out... with my face.”

Someone was still unaccounted for. Julian took a moment to clear the cobwebs out of his mind.

“Ravenus!” said Julian when he was able to focus. “Has anyone seen Ravenus?”

“No,” said Dave from the cell adjacent to Julian’s. “But I’m fine. Thanks for asking.”

Shit. “I was going to say you next.”

“No you weren’t. Shut up.”

“Come on, man,” said Julian. “He’s my familiar, and you’re...”

“I’m what?”

Julian frowned. “I... I don’t actually know how to finish that sentence.”

Slow clapping from Dave’s cell echoed annoyingly through the dark dungeon. “Well done, Captain Diplomacy. I’d say that’s what a Natural 1 sounds like.”

“Uh-uh,” said Tim. “That was a piss poor Diplomacy roll to be sure, but a better example of a Natural 1 is when you talk about your goddamn dead grandmother while sporting a raging hard-on.”

“That wasn’t my fault!” said Julian. “It was Ravenus.”

Cooper snorted. “I guess that explains why he was worried more about the bird than you, Dave.”

Tim, Dave, and Cooper shared a laugh.

Julian pointed middle fingers in the directions Cooper’s and Dave’s voices were coming from, as they were the only ones who could see in the dark. “You know what? Fuck all of you.”

Dave stopped laughing. “How are we going to get out of here? Tim, can you pick the lock on your cell door?”

“I don’t think so,” said Tim. “Not in the dark with nothing to use but my dick.”

“Okay,” said Dave. “How about you, Cooper?”

“I don’t think my dick will even fit in the hole.”

“No, stupid! I meant can you break through the door with your Barbarian Rage?”

“I can give it a shot.

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