100 Weirdest Tales from Across Australia by Ben Pobjie

Author:Ben Pobjie
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Affirm Press
Published: 2023-06-29T00:00:00+00:00

* He of the Abraham Lincoln Memorial Murder Mystery Evening Fun Pack.

* Including his mistress, Marjorie Gillespie – so I guess the dude had something going for him.

The Gay Blade of the Harbour Bridge

The crowd was gathered. The dignitaries were assembled. An atmosphere of excitement and festivity permeated the air of Sydney Harbour, as above them the colossal steel arch of the brand-new bridge shone in the early autumn sun.

Here was the culmination of a three-decade dream. The bridge had been discussed since the turn of the 20th century. Ten years ago, the government had passed the Sydney Harbour Bridge Act. Eight years ago, construction had begun. And now, on 19 March 1932, it was complete – and it was magnificent. That it would be an enduring symbol of the city – indeed, of the entire country – could be taken as read. Everyone present at the opening ceremony could feel the exhilarating electricity of history crackling through their bones.

The speeches had been made, the formalities observed. All that remained was the cutting of the ribbon, a task given to the premier of New South Wales, the Honourable Jack Lang. A man of strong principles and unflappable moustache, Lang gripped the ceremonial scissors tight and stepped forward to do his duty. The harbour held its breath, the immensity of the moment keeping all in tingling thrall. With apt gravitas, Lang parted the blades of the scissors and prepared to snip the momentous sash and give birth to a landmark.

And it was at that moment that, as the historians say, things went sideways. For those scissors never did get to taste the ribbon. Jack Lang never did get to do his duty. At the crucial moment, instead of the New South Wales premier officially opening the Sydney Harbour Bridge, something quite remarkable and undeniably weird happened.

For riding out of the crowd came a man on a horse.

This being 1932, this was not in itself so strange: cars had only been around for a few decades and riding horses was still seen as a respectable activity, rather than, as it is today, an affront to God Himself.

No, what was unusual about this fellow was not so much that he was on a horse as the fact that while on the horse, and dressed in full military regalia, he rode right up to the ribbon, drew a sparkling regimental sword and, with one swift slash, cut the ribbon himself.

‘I declare this bridge open,’ he bellowed, ‘in the name of the decent and respectable people of New South Wales.’

The bridge exploded – not literally, but with shock and uproar. The carefully planned opening of Sydney’s grandest monument had turned into a clusterboink of epic proportions.

Naturally, the man on the horse was immediately seized, and his sword taken from him. He was marched off in police custody, while Premier Lang sat and wept bitter tears over the loss of his crowning glory, consoled by the New South Wales governor, Sir Philip Game, and the minister for public works, Lawrence Ennis, who told him to cheer up – there would be other bridges.

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