0062409328 by Julie Myerson

Author:Julie Myerson [Myerson, Julie]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: HarperCollins
Published: 2016-01-26T22:00:00+00:00

EIGHT

ON THE EDGE OF YARROW’S FIELD, WHERE THE TURNIPS were pulled in winter for cattle feed, was a ditch used for drainage. For the longest part it was a normal kind of shallow ditch and in hot weather it mostly dried up. But if you went to the place where it snaked around and met the woods, it got so deep for a stretch that even in the height of summer it was filled with thick black mucky water.

It was in this stretch that we put Phoebe Harkiss.

Later, when I tried to think about how we did it—when I tried to imagine how James must have wrapped her in a piece of sacking and put her over his shoulder and how we must surely have gone there together in the silty darkness of that terrible night, loading the sack with some stones from the field and putting her in the cold stinking water and watching till you could no longer glimpse any part of her above its black surface—I found myself struggling. I could not see it.

And I’d wake in the night, my heart nearly bursting out of my chest with panic and fear. Not because Phoebe was dead. Not even because I knew for a fact that it was James Dix who had killed her. But because I could not for the life of me remember anything about what we’d done with her.

When I told James this, he said it was just as well.

Don’t you see? he said. It’s God’s way of protecting you.

I stared at him and told him I could not see what God had to do with it. But he just smiled.

I tell you it’s normal. I’ve done it my whole life. I make myself forget things all the time.

You do?

He shrugged.

What you don’t think about, you don’t know. It makes you innocent, Eliza. It takes the thought right out of your head. It means you won’t turn into a blabbermouth like that evil little witch.

I tried to think about this.

But I do know it, I said at last. I do know for sure that we both put her in the ditch. I don’t think I’ll ever be able to forget such a terrible thing. I just can’t quite remember the feeling of doing it, that’s all.

He looked at me then and his eyes flashed cold.

Well, you should try and forget it, Eliza.

I shook my head.

I can’t.

I’m telling you to try—

I can’t, James. I can’t ever forget it.

He leaned forward, putting his face closer to mine. I wondered if he was going to kiss me, but instead he showed me his teeth.

Listen to me. You need to forget what you know—forget it all—if you don’t want to end up like her, that is.

Something tight and cold sank through me. I stared at him.

What do you mean, end up like her?

He shrugged and drew away.

That’s what killed her, isn’t it? Her big blabbermouth. Why don’t you ever listen to a single word I say, Eliza? She had such a mouth on her, that one did.

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