You Who Enter Here by Erika T. Wurth

Author:Erika T. Wurth
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: State University of New York Press
Published: 2019-08-15T00:00:00+00:00

ELEVEN

THIS WAS THE TIME OF HIDING THE FACT THAT HE AND MARIA WERE in love, were fucking every chance they could get, in bathrooms, in bedrooms—hers, his, the downstairs bedrooms when Chris was entertaining OGs above—with Matthew’s hand over her soft mouth to quiet her like a child. When Chris was at a drop-off. When Matthew was at a drop-off, and he could take Maria with him because Chris was busy sorting H or money, or making a call. They often spread a blanket on the cracked concrete floor at the old Railyards after the drop-off had been made, the orange of the pipes above swimming in Matthew’s line of sight, the shattered clear and green glass making it look strange and lovely as he entered her while the sun came down, and he knew who he was, he lost who he was completely.

It was also the time of planning. Of Maria telling him about what the cops wanted them to do. Of feeling at every turn that Chris was going to find out what they were up to and kill them both. They would do a drop-off, then wait for the cops, who would come in at night at the Railyards after the junkies they dealt to would get their shit and go, and after the cops would go, Matthew would read to Maria from the Inferno, and she would listen like a child listening to a bedtime story. Sharina noticed his distance, but because he was there nearly every night, unless he was out doing business, and because he took the time to be with her and Manuel, she began to do what women do every day—tell herself that she was paranoid, that she was making it up. It wasn’t hard, as their relationship had begun this way, kindly, sweetly, but dispassionately. And even though it made things riskier in some ways, it also made it easier too that they all lived together, as many of their meals were together, their outings to the park, their parties. He never had to text Maria to see when she was leaving and vice versa, they could watch one another, and the others. They had a system. And the house was so often full.

As scared as Matthew was about being caught, being with Maria was good. She made him laugh. It was hard to make Matthew laugh, only his sister had. When she was a baby she used to clap her tiny, chubby brown hands on his face, and he’d pretend to eat them, and she would laugh and laugh and so would he. As they got older, they would sit in their room and make fun of whoever the new guy was in Mom’s life, stumbling around and shaking their fingers in each other’s faces. She would pretend she was their mother, and she would stumble around too, and dance pathetically with an exaggeratedly drunken look of seduction on her face, finally falling, while Matthew would cheer her on like

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