You Can't Touch My Hair by Phoebe Robinson

Author:Phoebe Robinson
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Penguin Publishing Group
Published: 2016-10-03T16:00:00+00:00

Well, black reader, that’s it! You know the path to leading a life free from the unbearable weight that is being The Black Friend. If anything else comes up that I didn’t mention, just follow your gut. Say you’re in your job’s break room during lunch and a coworker jokes that since you’re biracial, you don’t really count as black. Feel free to say, “Excuse me, what is this shit,” with so much fire that it defrosts the Lean Cuisine she’s holding in her hand. Or let’s say a guy expects you to be an expert twerker, simply because you’re black. You have my blessing to Hadouken him, Street Fighter–style. Or perhaps it’s Halloween and you see a group of people dressed in blackface get out of a car and go into a party. This makes you want to key their car like in that Carrie Underwood song and then brag about what you did on social media. Well, I wouldn’t incriminate myself like that, but I’m not here to judge your journey, OK? Now go forth, conquer the world, and join a ragtag crew of multicultural friends that will make the Planeteers look like a group of scary, identical blond kids from Children of the Corn. Do it!

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