The Secret of the Shadow: The Power of Owning Your Story by Debbie Ford

Author:Debbie Ford
Language: eng
Format: mobi, epub, pdf
Tags: Spiritual, General, Self-realization, Shadow (Psychoanalysis), Self-Help, Personal Growth, Fiction, Choice (Psychology), Self-actualization (Psychology)
ISBN: 9780062517838
Publisher: HarperCollins
Published: 2002-11-21T05:00:00+00:00

=

“Every painful event of my life

has brought me great gifts.

I find these gifts effortlessly.”

125

= Chapter 7 <

M aking Peace with

Your Story

To liberate ourselves from the confines of our stories, we must be willing to give up the comfort of our self-made cocoons. I once heard a story of a young girl who asks a wise old woman, “How does one become a butterfly?” With a twinkle in her eye and a big smile, the old woman replies, “You must want to fly so much that you are willing to give up being a caterpillar.” Breaking out of the cocoons of our stories can sometimes be a slow and painful process, but the moment we break away, we liberate our souls and bask in the joy of emotional and spiritual freedom. In order to step outside our stories, we must first learn to love, honor, and cherish them for all the ways they have contributed to us. We must acknowledge the experiences they have brought and the wisdom they have bestowed on us. Then and only then will we be able to make peace with our stories and move beyond them to fulfill our deepest desires.

127

T h e S e c r e t o f t h e S h a d o w I’m always baffled by the long-standing grudges we hold against ourselves. Why do we continually blame ourselves for events that happened ten, twenty, thirty years ago? Why do we feel so unworthy of complete and total salvation or of absolution for the crimes of our past? I have spent years dwelling on this question.

I have watched people continually sabotage themselves, robbing themselves of all that is truly important and depriving themselves of that which would feed their souls. Is it possible that at some level we are continually trying to kill ourselves—or, if not our entire selves, at least some dark, awful part: the aspects or incidents we feel the most shame about? The destructiveness of self-blame and self-loathing can be seen throughout our society. Addiction, violence, abuse, and underachievement permeate all of our lives.

F o r g i v i n g Y o u r s e l f

I have spent years in the self-help movement, first working on myself and then acting as a guide for others. I have come to understand that the core of healing is self-forgiveness. There is nothing—and I mean nothing—more essential to the healing process.

Until we make peace and forgive ourselves for all aspects of our lives and our stories, we will continue to use our past to beat ourselves up and to sabotage our deepest dreams. Self-forgiveness happens when we relax into the vulnerability of our humanity and find compassion for our own internal struggles. When we are able to forgive ourselves we come to understand why we are the way we are, why we believe what we believe, and why we feel the way 128

m a k i n g p e a c e w i t h y o u r s t o r y we feel.

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